SECRET CORNER OF THANATOS

2nd law of thermodynamics and me...

   2nd law of thermodynamics : energy systems have a tendency to increase their entropy rather than to decrease it.

entropy: degree of disorder/chaos.

i think i totally obey this law!!...

my room is in a mess right now. and from the pass experience, no matter how hard i try to make it orderly, they would always have a way to turn into a total mess again in no time!

and bringing  things back to its order takes alot of energy...if i clean up my room thoroughly, it would take me more time than to study for a subject (not that i ever study for so long).....which is why my room remians like this through long period of time....

have u ever think that your life is in a mess?? everything seems to be out of control? don worry then. you are just following the flow of the universe. learn to live with it.

out of the 12 zodiac signs, virgo has the tendency to go against this law. they are always trying very hard to make things in order,labeling stuff, arranging them in alphabetical order....etc. they can't stand disorderliness. the same things happens in their life, they are often striving  very hard to make things in Perfect order, to have full control of everything,.that is why when they fail to do so, they would be in despair....

i admit my life is in a mess now. time of study, meal, etc is often not in my control. but i think this could be a way to train my "flexibility" to face any sudden unexpected challenges.

some disorders can be fixed. eg, messy room, anxious crowd, disturbed mind...

while some entropy and permanant and irreversible : shattered mirror, damaged health, and broken heart....

although much effort is put into making them back in order, there will always be traces of entropy remains.....

white, black and grey.....

how nice it would be if everything in this world is so clear cut, if we could distinguish black and white clearly without having to hesitate...

but in fact, there's nothing absolutely black or white in this world.you will always find a darker black and brighter white. and those "less darker black" and "less brighter white" we call it as grey.

we are always in the "grey zone". nothing seemed to be certain.

in Med, i think from my studies so far, the hardest part is not to memorise or to understand(in fact it's the easiest part). but to master all the possibilities there is. and seems that there is no end to it! for example, when you think you've known enough, there's always something new for you to discover.and they develop very fast. for now i feel it's impossible to keep up with it in all field, all subjects.....

another thing in med is that we are playing with lifes. and of course, we must be able, to some extent predict what is going to happen if we do this. but no one can be sure to say that "if i give you this med, you will be well in 3 days"."or "if we do this operation on you, you will be a healthy person again".there's too many oughts to be considered. anything can happen in the operating room. and 2 different diseases might show the same symtom with only a slight difference. and docs should be able to detect it or he/she will get the diagnostics wrong.thus to excell in this dangerous game, it's always convineint to use the word "should be" as a bullet proof shield.....unless you are very good in it.

on the other hand, if we represent white as good and black as evil and we take God as the ultimate good (brightest white) and Satan as the ultimate evil (darkest dark), you could see that we are always "grey" since that we can't be better than God, or more evil than Satan. they difference is just the intensity of the "greyness"

in fact black and white need to be exist together to keep their existence. a piece of all white paper or all black paper would be just a blank paper. only the the darkest of the dark we fight the brightest brightness.( go find a dark room and close yourself inside....you will be able to detect small ray of light which u'd never see if the room was bright)...

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( thanks to friendster who has some problem uploading my words correctly, i have to take picture of it....how pathetic...(please click)

u see, actually the words are always in grey. but it looks white in dark blackground, and you can only see the grey in white background.

in real life, we can see the same act by 2 different people might cause different effect . ( the greyness that i am talking about). a bad guy and a good guy doing the same "not good, not bad act" would be very good for the bad guy and bad for the good guy. in other words, if you are always good to others, and one days you suddenly do something less good, ppl will think you are very bad. and if u are always bad and one day u do something less bad, ppl will think you are  good.

very often we can't really distinguish black and white, good and bad....etc. that clearly. there's always 2 sides to each story. a selfish person might be thinking only of himself and seemed bad to other people, but he's doing good for himself. you can't be absolutely correct or absolutely wrong in each situation. it always depend on the "degree"of your "goodness" or "badness"

they say there's a thin line between good and evil( white and black). but i beg to differ. i think there's a whole field of "grey zone" seperating black and white, depends on individuals to set the "line" seperating them.

but sadly, human mind cannot process both black and white together at the same time.as the picture would show , you can see vase, and if you look carefully, you can see 2 faces. BUT, you just cannot see both of them together(at the same time).

very often we cannot see both side of each situation. we only determine it based on a single peception and hold it strongly that we refuse to believe the other side exist.... and it's hard to change our perception once we've determined it.

maybe this is the limit of the human mind....

how to make things extinct in this world....

as we know, there are many living creatures which exist before in this world has extincted now...

let's say we don't want something to exist. can we make it extinct?? well, of course. with the power of human being....we can do it with our great power of destruction....

but there's too many kinds of diff things exist in this world....and let's say we want a particular species to extinct in this world, we have to find every single one of them on earth.....that would waste alot of time and energy...

and as we all know...our access to this world is based only on our 5 senses.....hearing, sight, smell, taste, and touch.

my theory of making things extinct is much more simpler...to take away any of the senses related to the things...

let's say we wanna make music dissapear from this world....the only possible way is to make everyone deaf....if everyone is deaf, nobody can create music, and the existing ones do not make any sense to others anymore....thus you can say that it doesn't exist anymore...

let's say one day the end of the world came....and the survivors had their genes mutated and they lost their hearing.....and this part of sense does not exist.....thus there won't be any music in this world....and so is everything that is realted to hearing...

now this is what i call "mass destruction"......

in other words....if we wanna make everything extinct......we can take away all 5 senses...now everyone doesn't have access to this world....it's juz like they do not exist.....isn't this faster than killing??

crazy idea huh?? i think so....

Stages of Dying

I saw this once in “dr. house” and again in my psychology lecture. This theory was formed by Elizebeth Kubler-Ross in 1969 when she treated patients with terminal diseases. She discovered 5 normal stages gone through by the patient after knowing about his/her diagnosis about his/her diseases and that he’s gonna die.

1)      DENIAL --- the patient denies his medical diagnosis. He tend to get a several specialist’s opinion before finally knowing that he’s going to die.

2)      ANGER---- the person feel angry at his fate. he blames God and people around him for what happens. He doesn’t want help from other people. He is angry with people around him because they are healthy and he’s going to die. This stage can last for a long time or it might not happen. But a psychologist or his families should talk him out of this stage so that he won’t die in anger…that would be very sad…

3)      BARGAINING--- he bargains with God to let him live. He might make all sort of promise like going to do lots of charity, become vegetarian , not arguing with his wife, going to be obedient to parents…etc.

4)      DEPRESSION--- he suffer at the thought of dying . after knowing that bargaining doesn’t work , he goes into depression. He tends to become suicidal. He tends to think that he should at least have control of his death rather than waiting for the time to come. A psychologist can help in this case to bring the person to the next stage.

5)      ACCEPTANCE--- he accepts his impending and unavoidable death. He knows that he does not have much time left and would do whatever is left to do before he dies. Chinese has a saying that when a person is dying, he would be very kind and he would always speak the truth.

All phobias is built based on the conditional reflex . eg. Claustrophobia. A person might have bad experience with elevator before that he’s afraid of closed space. And all phobias is finally directed to thanatophobia—fear of death. Everybody is afraid to die (maybe almost everybody). Maybe because they fear of the uncertainty of what is going to happen after that because no one really knows. It’s rather an anxiety rather than fear( anxiety= afraid of sth yet to happen, fear = afraid of definite things). In this case, religious can help.

I fall sick again. Dunno why. But got flu, fever and sore throat. U know when you are sick and go out in Russia under -10 , every breath is like breathing POISON….so painful and suffering…..hope I’ll get well soon…

why are we not happy??

recently i saw a tv show recomending a book translated from german to chinese explaining the biological reason behind our unhappiness. i'm not sure what's the whole book about, but i probably would just qoute some of the ideas plus my own physiological knowledge about human being.

as we all know we are living in a very competitive world where the strong survive and the weak will perish (acc to charles darwin). this is the basis of evolution and those that survive are stronger than those who are dead. human being, being a part of nature, can't escape from this fate. we are growing taller than our parents, smarter, stronger...

and we know that human is the most superior among all the animals( maybe we said so because we are human), mainly because of our well developed brain and mind...the mind allow us to think rationally, logically to help us with our daily life

in order to survive in this competitive world, like other animals we have our own high defence mechanism, against anything that might be harmful to us. our brain is extremely good in doing its job of building conditional and unconditional reflex to allow us to avoid the danger coming towards us.

for example, when we touch a hot kettle, we feel hot on our fingers and withdraw the hand immediately. the next time we see a hot cattle, we know that it's dangerous to us and we won't touch it anymore. this is juz some simplest example of what our wonderful brains are doing.

so back to the question. why are we unhappy??

it's a common phenomenon that if a pesron experiece 10 good things in a day( strike lotery, a raise by boss, free treat for lunch...etc...) but only one bad things before he sleep ( for example fall on the kitchen floor and the teeth fall off)....he will think that he is BAD LUCK for the day,,,,

why?? it's actually our own defence mechanism doing its job. it make us aware of our surroundings, that we shouldn't let down our defense all the time, because it make us vulnerable.it let us feel sad, sorry, guilty.....so that we would be more cafeful next time.it builds up our defence and ready for "flee or fight"

imagine if without this basic animal instinct, the sky falls, earhtquake, and typhoon comes, and all your reaction is "oh.....so...??" , you are long gone from this world .......

see, there's a biological basis behind our unhappiness. so don't blame yourself for being unhappy. when something happens that make u sad, remind yourself that it's your brain doing its job. things might not be as bad as it seems....maybe u will feel better then...

distance is the key??

when i first get acquainted with physics in form 4, my physics tuition teacher, when explaining the law of universal gravity by sir issac newton, used an interesting metaphor. he says that it is also true for the relationship of 2 people too,ie. the "force"of attraction between 2 people is inversely propotional to the distance between them, to the power of 2!!. thus, he strongly opposed the idea of distant relatinship. it was meant to be a joke at that time, of course....

however, through my observation, i realise that the key to any relationship (friends, family, life partner) is to keep a proper distance from one another.

large force create friction---- according to the law stated above, great "force" will develope as the distance between 2 object diminishes.. however, if the energy generated is not utilized properly, the tendency of developing useless energy (friction) will be high. it's true that people get to know more about each other when they are closer. for example, if u stay together, work together, study together....etc. but through the interaction with people around us in everyday life, especially of those frequent interaction, some "friction" is of course inevitable. "friction" here suggest conflict, discomfort, anger etc.

many examples i've seen proved it. from what i see now in the hostel, nobody is really close to his/her roommate. and when seing each other on the corridor, the frequency of communication is low (almost 0). and rumours about quarreling between roommates are heard, due to noise created, cleanliness, bad habits, different wat of conducting life....etc. even the best of roommates quarrel about money, sharing of food, whose turn to clean the room. these conflict may not be brought up face to face, but "cold war" is just as bad... however, to keep a harmony life in this foreign place far away from home where you can just say "i quit!", keeping those conflict and problems to yourself is definitely a wise choice.

but neverthless, the "friction" still exist. no matter how high is your capacity, it will reach a limit sooner or later. thus, i'd suggest an alternative ---to keep a distance and  reduce conflict.

when i first came to russia, i think i've made a right choice not to share anything (like fridge,heater...etc) with my roommates. many peple laugh at me for wasting such money, which according to them, unnecessary.my room is divided into 2 halves indirectly by the area of which our carpet occupy. again people commented about the clear devision among us which maybe seemed to reflect the lack of interaction among us. i was even asked why i did not share to buy my groceries with others. well, the answer is clear now. look who's having problem with dividing the appliances when they decide to split now. and look who is taking effort to repair the spoilt photocopy machine that was shared by 5 people ( i was one of them by the way). look who is moving the cupboard to the centre of the room so that they are completely isolated from one another. look at the same people who ask me about the groceries that now but their own seperate ones and cook themselves........how ironic... on the contrary, me and my roommate do not interfere with each other's life, both respecting their own privacy, while at the same time communicate, talk and joke alot in the room. of course i wouldn't know how long this will last...but at least it proved to last longer than those who prefer to interact in all aspect of life...

i think i told somebody before that i was still looking for someone that i can really open up my heart and tell everything, the same person i wanted them to my best friend. i would not need to worry about them revealing my secrets, hurting me in anyway. u know, like brotherhood or something of a kind, like those in movies and drama where they go through life and death together. but seems that it is an idealistic idea.....too idealistic for me that it seems so far, alomost impossible now...

well, being somebody who thought he couldn't live without friends around, i tried my best to be the best of friend myself. but maybe my approach was wrong or maybe i rush through things... my effort of making friends can't seem to earn me enough trust for them to tell me their secrets. when the trust is not there, naturally the effort of continue giving would be wasted, just like being sucked into the blackhole...and sooner or later, you will feel exhausted by this constant giving.

when u open up your heart to someone, while allowing them to get close enough for them to explore you for who you are, understanding you thoroughly, you are risking yourself to be hurt by that person. the consequence might be very severe. thus, choosing the right person to reveal your true self is important. true friend would respect you for who you are, accept your weakness and you would not need to worry about being hurt. and so it's true that those whom you allow can really hurt you. the same action could be done on you by 2 different person, but the effect will be different. for those that you really care, their action, good or bad ,will be magnified in your perception, depending on how deep is the person in your heart ( refer to the law stated above again).....but of course, those who you don't really care, can't even scratch you (emotonally of course)

another phenomenon that i observe is that when ever i get very close, close enough to somebody, distance would appear between us. things like avoiding, not talking to each other would start to happen. i can't seem to understand why. but once there's a girl told me that after she complaint to me and cried about her problems thru the phone, she feels like standing naked in front of me when seeing me.....hmmm.... i wonder how true is that...

now i've slowly given up the effort of "looking" for a true friend.instead, i'll let fate decide whether i'm destined to be alone forever. i've learnt that no point forcing through a realtionship to get close enough when at the same time i'm creating alot of friction in the process. when a person move slowly towards another person slowly, the energy(force) slowly developes and the amount of friction would be minimized. this would ensure a long lasting relationship. thus if i were to indulge myself in a relationship, slow and steady would be my choice. puppy love would be like fireworks, magnificent and to be longed for, but unfortunately it doesn't last....

i've been hurt unintentionally by the ones i care. slowly, i begin to build up defence to protect myself. i can't affort myself being hurt again. soon, i'll close my heart up if i can't find a person worth opening it for.... and my interaction with others would just be superficial, so that i can pull myself out in time in case i sense danger/risk of being hurt again....

chinese saying "he jiu bi fen" indicate that in order to keep a long lasting realationship and to maintain a wide circle of friends, appropriate distance and space is important....and of course if the distance is too far, the sense of intimacy and the bond will loosen with the flow of time too....

so to conclude, the closer the get, the more force exist, thus causing more friction. but so what? if u really find someone who is worth the risk....the friction generated can be turned into a magnificent, beautiful firework that would last in our memory......

right????

Your Life Path Number is 8

Your purpose in life is to help others succeed

You are both a natural leader and a natural success. You are also a great judge of character.
You have a head for business and finance. You know how to make money.
A great visionary, you can see gold where other people see nothing.

In love, you are very generous - with gifts, time, and guidance.

You love to inspire people, but it can be frustrating when they don't understand your vision.
Great success comes easily for you. But so does great failure, as you are very reckless.
You are confident, and sometimes this confidence borders on arrogance.

What Is Your Life Path Number?
http://www.blogthings.com/whatisyourlifepathnumberquiz/

LAW OF PERCEPTION

this is a lesson from psychology lecture...

it consists of

1)principle of proximity - state that stimuli are close together tend to be percieved as parts of the same form

2) principal of similarity - state that stimuli that are similar to one another tend to be seen as of the same form

3) principle of closure - state that we tend to fill the minor gaps as we percieve

look at the picture to understand wat i mean

sometimes 2 seperate things happen at the same time.....because of some similarities and the timing is so chun....our mind tend to percieve it as ONE......

for example....recently there's a person who was suspected a pengkhianat by his friends for betraying their trust. it was juz a rumour. however, when they discuss about this matter, they could suddenly find sth to relate with his betrayal. for example, sth as simple as discussing sth quitely on the corridor could be a "step" of his betrayal. or even cooking in the kitchen??

sometimes when ppl tell you sth bad about sb.....u can suddenly thing of a dozen cases to relate to that person....a person that is good in your perception turns visa versa....then u realise u can pick a bone in anything that person do.....

and u start to feel distance between u.....

let me give a clearer example.....if one day a close friend of yours is accused of murder... then u would suddenly realise that everything he did together with u is BAD....altho that's not true....u start to think that everything about him is bad.....that ur friendship is all mistake....and worst  still, u would start to suspect ppl that is dead for the past week is killed by him...

this is the wonders of rumours...altho u can say that ur perception are not easily changed by a few simple words...but our nature....we remember bad things better than good ones... whether u want it or not....u will still have some vigilance against that person...

sometimes what we percieve is not true.....it's juz something we WANT to see...

this morning we had an experiment on frog's heart. we are doing an experiement on law of subordination of heart. we counted the heartbeat for some given situation.when we showed the result to the teacher....she said no....we are suppose to get the "so and so"answer...so she wants us to count again....when we did the experiment again....we really get the result....because we WANT to see the result....and we know wat to expect....

when we concentrate on what we WANT to see....we will normally neglect the whole picture (the real truth)......

for that accused person.....i don deny that he's guilty or anything....i juz don believe what ppl say from mouth to mouth...i would rather see for myself.....and even if i REALLY see it for myself...i will keep in mind that there may be a chance of wrong perception due to some coinsidence of time and space......

some study tips.....

exam is coming for many of my friends....so this is some of  "tok guru" khailip's study tips....( tiada unsur berlagak, u may disagree with me)....

1)when studying, try to use many senses to remember ur material.don not juz read and read with your vision senses...it would be more effective if u use your hearing senses too..u can read out loud, ask somebody to read it for you....to enhance ur memory..

2)do instant revision. whenever u finish a paragraph, close your eyes to check your understanding about that particular paragraph...think of those important point as u do it...if u can't remember some of the points...check back instantly...

3)do study group.this is not recommended for everyone. some prefer to study alone. but if u do.. u can take a topic each. and explain to the others...by teching others...u can remember ur stuff well..

4) if u are given the whole text full of words concerning a long procedure...try to imagine it in your head as u read...this is useful in many cases...u need not memorizrethe whole text...as long as the picture is in ur mind, u can construct your own sentence later

5)extract main points....guess by now u should know how to recognize which words is important.a word u see may enable you to remember the whole point of that long sentence. find that word...

6)imagine text as a picture. well,this is kind of hard to explain. as in u don't see the text as a text, u see the whole page as a pic. this will enable you to locate which point is at which part of ur answer,determine the sequence, knowing which point u've missedand stuff.

7)use colour to enhance ur memor senses...this is a method i invented last year or maybe it was form 4...i used to photostate my anatomy atlas and text...and i used many colour to colour each muscle. as i colour i say out the name of that muscle. as for text i will colour it repeatedly untill i remember the phrase. this is very useful....i think i used to practise this in sejarah last time.

8)rest for 15 minutes after every 45 minutes of studying. it will keep u refreshed all the time.\

9)use the oppotunity to sudy when ur mind is fresh.2 hours before sleep and 2 hours after u wake upu can multiply this freshness by sleeping more time but short la....it's not so recomended though. u will feel fresh.but after that u will sleep for along time.

attitude wise......

1)do not be overconfident. it WILL lead to carelessness. always be alert. although the test or exam might be very easy ike makan kacang, always look for traps. do not underestimate each exam. respect them as u will be respected with good results.before exam, make yourself kan cheong abit(don't overdo it)....u will be more alert during exam.more adrenaline will be pump out, and u will have energy and semangat to get through it.

2)aim for the highest, although sometimes u know u may not achieve it.during the exam. u should not "give"points along the way...try to grap every point u can get..full mark is never too high for u.

3) prepare for any possibilties.some might spot question. it's ok. but be prepared for any coming possibilities...imagine a question for each point, even if u think it's useless, then try to answer it. because u tend to ave many surpriises during exam.

4) take every battle as ur last battle. give all ur have in all the exam.eeryone of them. no need to reserve enrgy. u will gain it back anyway.

5) for once, love wat u are studying.

6) have faith in yourself. trust ur mind and memory. they are smarter than you know. it's how u live untill now. sometimes when u cannot remember something, it's not because ur mind's fault.it because u too kan cheong and inhibits your own memory.

7)keep calm.it's when ur mind works best. during exam, let your mind do the work. do not distract it with unnessasary pressure and tension. in stead, help it to focus on what u are doing. together u must work together to conquer that exam, not oppose it.

before exam, u can also drink tea with sugar. it will keep u calm and also provide instant glucose for the brain. do not eat too much. or else  the blood will go for digestion. u will feel tired....

that's all. hope these helps. good luck in exams!!!...may the force be with you!!

look carefully "under" the one you love....

when you fall in love...u might be attracted to your gf/bf's beauty/handsomeness...but if u think carefully, the only characteristic that u like about him/her is the "skin". this is a lesson i learn form anatomy.

under the skin, everyone has the same type of muscle, same arrangement and same structure. if the one u like is "special", that means he/she has anomalities. he/she needs surgery help.

what is the skin made of ??? thin layer of epidermis, a dermis under it,some hair folicles, and PLENTY OF FATTY TISSUE!!!! no matter how thin u are, your skin will have fatty tissue. YES, the thing u hate the most and want very much to get rid from your body...

does this mean the thing u like is the thing u hate???

ok, so u may like a person who is muscular..(for girls la)....but do u know how a muscle looks like??if u peel off the skin from your body, this is how it will look like.(picture 1). you can see from here pectoral major and other muscles......this is what u like huh??

for strong biceps and triceps, if u remove the skin, it will look like this(pic 2)

for nice sexy legs, the same if u remove the skin...(pic 3)

ok....then u like somebody with big breast.(for guys), but it consist of many fatty tissue too...

we do not argue about the shape of the heart, the size of the liver, the curvature of the kidney, the cleanliness of the lung, and the shape and form of nerve and blood vessels, because they are hidden under the skin and muscle.

conclusion: when u like a person for his/her appearance (outer beauty), u are actually loving his/her SKIN. if u peel off the skin, everyone will look the same....

thus i guess the only characteristic left to evaluate a person is his/her inner beauty...huh??

what the eyes see.......

i used to wonder....does everybody see things the same way.....i mean the image that form from our optic nerve to the brain.....is it the same to eveybody?? maybe the term "beauty is in the eyes of the beholder" does have its practical meaning.....

for example... we take 2 contrast, A and B... A= beauty and B=beast.......how do we know the image of wat is so called "beauty" in A that form in my brain is not different than yours?? or more...that image that form in your br ain might be the image of B in my brain, which is totally opposite...

so what makes the general society agree on the same thing to be beautiful and others to be ugly?? it's the conception that is formed since young i think....we were taught that sth red, yellow,pink, orange to be cheerful and black and grey to be otherwise.....but how do we know that when we say the word 'red'....it's the same image that form in everybody's mind?? maybe the impuls received and generated by our neurons have different frequency....but juz because we see sth 'red' everytime....people around us will tell us that it is 'red', that's why we ässume that it's "red"......and it is tought to be cheerful because we want it to be........because what is "red" might look "black"(to me) in your mind.....but we think it's prosperous and cheerful anyway...

i'm not saying that that object that we are seeing is reflecting different frequency of light to everybody....juz the way our brain translate the impulse....might be diff among individuals....

another thing....humans have relatively high developed irgan of vison compared to other animals....that means level of vision is diff....and it means that what we can see might not be able to be seen by other animals...and visa versa....thus there is a possibility that the translation of image is different right??

it's a scary thought u know......because the person you see in the mirror everyday (yourself) might look different to other people....who would know?? by drawing??photo?? our brain will translate it the same way anyway....

imagine if we isolate somebody in a faraway island since born without them knowing about the perception of the world...about what is red, blue, green, what is beauty, ugliness....etc.....let him or her develope his own concept of it.....maybe we will see what he/she really "sees"

now i'll make the point of my theory....ok...now assume that we have the same way of translating an object....our brain's function the same way and the image that form in our mind has the same frequency amplitud and everything-----everything is same.....i was just thinking maybe when i look in the mirror i see the 1st picture and when u see me you see the second one....

thus, when someone tries to look nice.....she's actually trying to generate impuls that can make a pleasant image in other people's mind GENERALLY........so what she sees in the mirror might not be seen the same way as like other people....

i'm too free huh?? what am i doing now when i need to study for exam on tuesday....shit...