the semester is almost over and i am quite proud to say that i have attended ALL lectures in this sem, although some may think i am crazy and time wasting for attending those "unimportant lectures". anyhow i still hold on to my principle that my effort woud not be wasted.
very often when i attend those unimportant lectures, there are only a few there, less than 10% of the total student. once i went to nursing lecture, and to my surprise, i was the only one there. ONLY ONE. and the lecturer was quite surprised too..in the end the lecturer did not deliever the lecture.... and poor me...have to go home while others is still sleeping...sigh...
the reason why i want to attend all lectures and classes is that i want the best result for myself. and i do not want to give an excuse to myself that i've done less than my best for it.( and i do not want to give the lecturer/prof any excuse too) by the end of the day, no matter what result i get, i can tell myself that i have done my best.and i would have no regret ....
it's comforting for me when the teacher suddenly give us a "pre-test" during russian intensive class this week. the teacher gave me a 4/5 for alot of mistakes. but she said that i was bold in use of words. anyhow the mark din count as long as i can do well in the real test next week... she added :"you work well this year....very well...." these words, although simple, but rarely said to me. and it means alot to me...
it is always good to know that when you do something, someone out there actually appriciates and acknowledge it.
my first exam is in 2 weeks time...(maybe less). and it last about one month.the battle starts now....i shall do everything within my power so that i would not regret later.
if no aral melintang, i should be back in malacca by end of june....probably 26/27th......hope to see u guys soon...
rencana ini ditulis sebagai maklum balas kepada pendapat "master albino" di Friendster berkenaan bahasa rojak. saya mendapati bahawa rencana beliau merangsang keinginan saya untuk mengemukakan beberapa pendapat.walau bagaimanapun, saya ingin menjelaskan terlebih dahulu bahawa rencana ini tidak bemaksud untuk mengkritik beliau, Bahasa melayu, atau mana-mana pihak yang mungkin akan tersinggung atas pendapat saya.
manusia berhubung sesama sendiri melalui bahasa. bahasa merupakan alat perantaraan sesama manusia untuk memahami maklumat yang ingin disampaikan. pada pendapat saya,tidak kisahlah biar apa-apa pun bahasa yang diguna, asalkan mesej dapat disampaikan dengan tepat. kadangkala, jika kita tidak dapat memikirkan perkataan yang sesuai dalam sesuatu bahasa untuk menggambarkan perasaan kita atau menerangkan sesuatu situasi, tidak salah rasanya kalau kita menggunakan perkataan lain dari bahasa lain yang kita fahami. takkan kita perlu menghabiskan masa untuk memikirkan perkataan yang satu itu, sedangkan kita mempunyai alternatif untuk menyampaikan mesej tersebut?
saya tidak menggalakkan penggunaan bahasa rojak.akan tetapi, sekiranya fasih bertutur dalam bahasa lain, mengapakah kita perlu menyekat kemampuan diri sendiri untuk bertutur dalam satu bahasa sahaja apabila bercakap? malaysia merupakan negara yang unik kerana terdiri daripada rakyat berbilang bangsa yang mempunyai bahasanya yang tersendiri. dengan kata-kata lain, kita terdedah kepada lebih banyak budaya and bahasa daripada penduduk lain di muka bumi ini. justeru, adalah tidak masuk akal jika kita membandingkan diri kita dengan negara lain yang penduduknya hanya fasih bertutur dalam satu bahasa, seperti russia and german(seperti yang dinyatakan master albino). kebolehan kita untuk bertutur pelbagai bahasa adalah satu kebolehan. mengapa perlu kita merendah-rendahakan diri sendiri and sebaliknya mengagung-agungkan orang lain yang ternyata tidak mampu menandingi kita? Lihatlah bertapa susahnya orang russia bertutur dalam Bahasa Inggeris.
tidakkah kita sedar bahawa Bahasa Melayu sendiri merupakan bahasa yang tidak tulen sepenuhnya.jika kita memahami basaha melayu betul-betul, kita akan mendapati bahawa BM juga meminjam perkataan daripada bahasa lain, seperti bahasa inggeris, bahasa portugis,bahasa arab, bahasa latin dll. hal ini kerana pengasasan BM sejak zaman kesultanan melayu melaka dipengaruhi oleh budaya -budaya lain. pada masa itu melaka merupakan pusat perdagangan terpenting antara timur dan barat and bahasa melayu merupakan lingua franca. oleh itu, campur aduk antara bahasa tidak dapat dielakkan. akan tetapi, hal ini juga menggambarkan perkembangan budaya melayu dan tamadun melayu. Adakah kita ingin menafikan semua itu.....dan sekiranya kita lihat betul betul, bahasa inggeris dan bahasa russia juga mempengaruhi sesama sendiri dan oleh bahasa lain....
percampuradukan bahasa hanya salah satu cara untuk menutupi kelemahan bahasa kita ataupun kelemahan bahasa itu sendiri. tahukah kamu bahawa terdapat banyak perkataan dalam bahasa cina yang tidak dapat digambarkan oleh bahasa melayu sepenuhnya??
tidak pernah saya terdengar "bahasa yang professional"...... professional atau tidak sesuatu pertuturan bergantung kepada orang yang bercakapnya, bukannya bahasa itu sendiri.
gelaran "pencemar bahasa" adalah tuduhan yang sangat berat, terutamanya ke atas seorang seniman yang dedikasi dan menyumbang kepada perkembangan seni di negara kita.
"Bertutur dalam bahasa rojak membuatkan sesuatu etnik itu tidak unik. Jika saya menaiki komuter dan seorang mat saleh duduk di sebelah saya, tentunya saya tidak mahu dia memahami satu patah perkataan pun yang saya ucapkan. Jika dia memahami apa yang saya tuturkan dalam bahasa rojak, bagi mat saleh itu, tentunya orang Melayu langsung tiada jati diri"
adakah kamu bermaksud bahawa uniknya seusatu etnik itu adalah untuk menutur sesuatu yang tidak dapat difahami oleh etnik lain?? jika kamu tidak bercakap buruk tentang orang lain, mengapa kamu perlu takut jika orang lain memahaminya??
pendapat orang lain tentang bangsa kamu tidak penting. apa yang penting ialah kamu harus bangga dengan bahasa dan bangsa kamu sendiri. jati diri wujud atas penilaian diri terhadap diri sendiri, bukannya orang lain. jika kamu asyik memikirkan yang buruk terhadap diri kamu, dan menganggap bahawa orang lain juga berfikir demikian, kamu memang tidak mempunyai jati diri.
"Bagi saya, saya rasa geli apabila bahasa rojak dituturkan. Dan apabila bahasa rojak ditulis untuk menyampaikan sesuatu, hujah-hujah yang dikemukakan sentiasa goyah dan emosional, pendapat yang hendak disampaikan seringkali tidak tepat.
Sebab itulah saya tidak menulis dalam bahasa rojak."
bahasa rojak juga dapat menggambarkan kemesraan 2 orang kawan. saya berasa aneh jika saya terpaksa mengekalkan tahap "professional" saya jika bercakap dengan seorang kawan. saya akan berasa kekok dan tidak selesa.tidak pula terlintas di fikiran saya bahawa orang lain akan terasa geli jika saya bertutur dengan selesa, walaupun dalam bahasa rojak.
di samping itu, saya juga mendapati beberapa perkataan bahasa inggeris dalam rencana tersebut seperti."profesional", "medium", "sains" ,"metamatik", "elit" dan "emosional". perkataan perkataan tersebut walaupun dieja dalam bahasa melayu, tetapi dipinjam daripada bahasa lain. saya tidak menyalahkan kamu, kerana sesungguhnya, perkataan tersebut adalah paling tepat dalam konteks yang hendak disampaikan.
walaupun demikian, dalam majlis-majlis rasmi, penggunaan bahasa rojak sudah tentulah tidak sesuai. oleh itu, dalam penggunaan bahasa rojak dalam kehidupan harian kita, janganlah kita lupa bagaimana untuk bercakap dalam bahasa yang asli pula.
sekian, terima kasih.
(pheeewwww, i find that my BM is so deteriorated now....took me so long to write a decent blog in BM)
I AM TRAPPED!!!....NO!!!....... LET ME OUT OF HERE!!
"Adolf Hitler" and "neo-nazi" and "skinheads" are the terms that everybody in my hostel get acquainted with in the past 2 weeks. indeed, the former 2 were last heard (seen) in my sejarah text book in form 4. i know one of the aim of learning history is to learn from the past... but it never come across my mind that it would affect my life directly. when i learnt history, it was just reading stories and remembering them for the exams for me. how was i supposed to know that the " creature " in a story book can come out of it and haunt you??
seriously, i do not like to praise or condemn other people because i believe that everyone is bornt the same, biologically...(i do not consider variaties among species). i don't care about the guy mentioned above, i don care how much power he had, how much money, how many wives, how he influence other people's thought...i just don care, not UNLESS he affects my study life here in russia....
how does a dead person influence my life,u may ask....well, it's not him. it's his ideology. his death did not bring all his evil thoughts (for some) together with him. apparently his ideology is still diagung-agungkan by certain people. after the fall of Nazi in the ww2, the remnants of it were still practicing his ideology....they are called neo-nazi.....i do not know the details of his ideology, and i DON CARE. all i know is in russia there are ppl called "skinheads" who has this large army in st. petersburg and varonesh, go around killing foreigners because of some unknown-to-me ideology of hitler.
xenophobia-- fear of foreign things. they say these skinheads' actions are based on fear of foreigners. maybe russia had some pass history with foreigners, i don't know.....but don la sampai lepaskan geram on us....like they have nothing better to do...maybe they feel like we are here to take away everything they have or sth like that.....but what the heck, we are paying so so so much for our education and living here.....we are the one that actually feed them.....tak kenang budi nevermind, still give us the pathetic face when we buy stuff in the shops and worse, invade our safety and kill us......just like kena bitten by the dog after feeding it...
ok, back to the main story that i am TRAPPED..... so apparently, these few days (april 20-21...i dunno...and again...I DUN CARE....) is supposed to be hitler's birthday...and the "skinheads" are very active during these few days.... it's like they would kill people as a "ritual" for remember him or something like that....but it doesn't really affect us last year or the year before. nizhny was considered a quite peaceful place. but this year, they have decided to choose nizhny as the place of meeting...out so so many places in this country, they HAVE to choose the place where i live and study...
so great lo.....now, after the strike incident, the dean's office are now more alert than ever. they have taken drastic actions to prevent any tragedy that might happen.
1) all classes out of the territory of our hostel and campus are cancelled for these 2 days. this doesn't affect me much actually, because all my important classes are nearby.
2)students are not advised to go anywhere out of this territory. even when i wanna go across the road to buy some groceries, i was asked to think twice, looking for suspicious ppl when i cross the road, always looking at the back for ppl following...
3)polices and armies are posted near our hostel and within the territory of this area. of course their presence are to ensure our safety, but indirectly gives me the impression that we are guarded and that we are staying in prison.
4) to settle the student's affairs, the dean's office was shifted to the russian department temporarily which is in our hostel so that students do not need to risk their lives travelling to the real place which is the town center and where the skinheads are thought to be very active.
5) this is a good one. all classes nearby hostels are the responsibilities of the last teacher of the day. the teachers are to escort the students back to their hostels after the last class..... this is very thoughtful of the dean's office man.....so touching...
so, why am i TRAPPED?? i feel like i am in prison. altho we are not restricted by law not to go anywhere. the pressure we feel for the fear of being one of the victim of their rituals makes us trapped psychologically and emotionally. it is worse than prison. at least u know you are safe in prison. the lack of sense of security would really cause psychological disease if this goes on.
my russian teacher, when we happened to bring up this issue in the class, told us that she did not understand what with their mentality. she do not understand how people could behave like this. most of them are youngsters. she said that in the ww2 Russia participated in the fight against the Nazi's. In russia, every family's men were called to war. and many of them died (1/5). so left the children and the womens at home.they suffered greatly for this lost. logically, they should hate these Nazi's and this ideology right??.....but no........the so called young generation is still very excited about this idea and have forgotten what their ancestors were fighting against...
altho it's impropriate for me to say this, but maybe the the incident of our senior who got beaten up is a blessing in disguise. if he did not get beaten, we might not have strike, and the dean's office might not take such actions, and our life might be more at risk. so he has done something good for everyone here.....although maybe against his own will.....for this, i thank you.
freedom is important for me. i wish i could be freed form this "imaginary" cage soon...
i got a letter on last saturday from the court in nizhny novgorod, saying i am called to attend to the court on tuesday,10 am. i din't understand most of the content of the letter, but it was understood that it's about the incident which happened on 26th of feb this year.and this tuesday will be the thief's day of judgement.
just when i thought everything is over, it came to trouble me again.
i went to discuss with my russian teacher who were so unfortunately to get into this mess. on the day when it happened, she was called from somewhere in the city to the police station at around 8pm.then after that was called back few days after that to sign all the documents, to make a report, blah blah... it was very very troublesome....and the poor teacher had to sign the document to declare she's a professional translator, even if she is not....
but we did sign another document saying that we did not want to know anything about the result of the case......but nevertheless, i was still required to be in the court...
both the teacher and i were very reluctant to go. of course from other's point of view, this is the one time oppotunity to get to experience what a court looks like in russia,what more to play the role which decide the fate of a person. not everyone gets the chance, i know. but i have my concerns. my russian is not good. and i'll make myself look stupid in front of so many ppl. it's a long process .if this drags on and on.....my academic would be affected. plus, i don't think going to court is something to be proud of.....and i don't feeled secured. what if i get beaten on the way. what if the thief recognizes me and beat me up after he comes out..... as for the teacher...she was innocently pulled into this mess...
so we've decided not to go for it. many say that i might get sued for it, as seen on tv, or worse, i will be sued by the theif for calumniation.....or sth like that....(these ppl watched too much movies)....the teacher called the court and asked permission for us not to go...she said that it was a short notice, the street is very dangerous now and i was "sick". it is possible actually, because the thief stole many times before and there were many ppl who is gonna accuse him.... he was just unlucky that he chose to steal my wallet....
the court ppl was angry at our request, but nevertheless,she said that she would try to apply for us, but if our application is rejected, i would still need to go for court, even if it means with the escort of the polices.(don get me wrong...the police come to protect me)
i was praying hard on monday night, hoping that i could be exempted from it.....
on the next day, i had russian class...the teacher(the other teacher) came in and deliver the good news i wanted to hear
luckily, the thief requested for nobody to attend the court. he wanted a closed trial....or sth like that...so i need not go to the court....(God bless you, theif, sincerely..)
wow....this strike thingy has caused more damage than what i've expected.... other than external wound, it has also caused internal bleeding in our community of malaysians in nizhny novgorod.... the worst case senario?? tragedy of 13th may might happen again...
i do not mean to provoke anymore fuss....but just thought that i would comment some things before this thing ends...wouldn't wanna miss the fun would i??
before anything else, please read the post by the author posted on the buletin board in friendster and some comments by others...
Strike- a discourse to ponder (for Malaysians in Nizhniy Novgorod only)
Strike is on for tomorrow. The agenda is that we don’t go to classes tomorrow, assemble at at the Dean’s office and demand for military post situated within the perimeter of our hostels.
We Malaysian people are peaceful farts that we are so reluctant to lose and sacrifice what we own. For men, this is maybe a great chance for holiday. For ladies, they don’t want to miss class. And I know which among the three major races of Malaysian community who will not support the strike.
Although I do think that not going to class is a bad idea, but the majority chose not going to class, thus we must respect their decision on this matter.
Lately, students in
France
stroke on the streets protesting their government decisions on the new labor law. The government then changed the bill. Among the sacrifice made to change the government’s decision were missing classes, peaceful demonstrations, memoranda etc. This shows the student power cannot be underestimated.
The similar case should happen here, but it’s just that we demand for our safety and security, which is one of human’s basic rights! But we are so reluctant to go to fight for our rights?! Are we going to wait for someone to get killed only to go for strike?! If this is so right, we Malaysians are indeed so cowards, I should say.
The beating and the killing are not enough to make these reluctant people demand their rights. They are so nerd-like, academic-oriented students who have nothing else in their lives to fight for. They will just study, work, get a lot of money, breed, and then die, if they may graduate out of Nizhniy Novgorod alive!
We should support our own rights, not turning away from it. Even if we fail, we feel better for ourselves inside out. But if we succeed, we deserve the security so much, that even the reluctant nerds would get all the benefits.
But let’s make the strike peaceful. This is what Islam thought us. We should not do riots, we should not make anymore problems. If we do, we are no better than the uncivilized hooligans. We have our planned goals, go to the Dean’s, demand and that’s all!
Christie: Hope every malaysian sit on the same boat..those can go to dean just go..those cant, dun go to class for a support..okie? n pls dun make races issue here..so upset about this...too sarcastic..
Kochi
: Don't make races an issue here,and i knew who're there for the strike coz i went there too,and to the author-you were there too......think about it!
Mohan: I might or might not know who wrote this. Im just happy that everything went on peacefully there in the dean office.But to to the author, plz dun talk bout race here.So let me tell you sumthing,think before you write.People might be keepin quiet this time when you talk bout races but not the next time(that includes me).
Eugene Sharma: A simple sorry WILL NOT CURE THE SITUATION.You are just lucky that we are open minded enough to let this pass.The words that you use are more volatile than any known form of elements.So beware of how you use the mass media.Remember the May 13th incident?It all happened because of one comment.I dont think that at that point,a sorry from the perpetrator would have helped.SO MIND YOUR WORDS,HOW YOU USE THE MEDIA.AND THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS A SECOND TIME!OR SORRY.CAN YOU SAY SORRY AFTER KILLING YOUR PATIENT?Making such racist issues make you no different from the skinheads.
Clarissa:WHAT THE ****.....!!!!!!
the latest "safety issue" in NizhnyNovgorod is not yet settle, and here YOU'RE bringing up
malaysia
's 'race and religion' issue?????!!!!!!!
yea..great!!! thank you so much!!!!!
ME: we all do what we think is right... of course most of the people think that we should fight for our safety here in this foriegn country. fine. but you shouldn't critisize those that refuse to think like you. by doing this, you are violating their human rights as well. of course you might think that safety is more important than education in this matter, but we all have our own weigh about things. and you should repect that. and you definitely should not bring out the race thingy...you have been living in Malaysia for so long for goodness sake.... please do not insult ur own intellegence by setting up a trap and fall into it yourself....
this is the second post by the author, apologizing...
My latest bulletin posted on strike is thought to play race issues. I do offer my wholehearted apologies for that. It won't happen again!
I was wrong on that because one guy came to me and not showing support for it and I judged the whole race for that. That is indeed my foolishness and stupidity. I again offer my apologies!
ME: man, you should have stopped here...but NOOOOOO...................because you are to egoistic to admit your mistake, you HAVE to post the next post....
"I wrote a discourse on strike last few days. Thank God, we got what we demanded, at least for the time being. The struggle was not in vain, those who supported and those who didn’t, all get the benefit.
I received many messages and bulletins telling that my discourse sounded racist. Well, I agree, it sounded racist. Surely, that was my honest mistake, I was really not proud of it. I offered my wholehearted apologies and some of them accepted.
Some people may want to relate the racist thing with Islam. Let’s not get started on that because you know how harsh the retaliation would be. Believe me, the racism has nothing to do with Islam, even Islam forbade any kinds of racism, be it religious racism or ethnic racism. I seek repentance and forgiveness from Allah for my mistakes. (i honestly think that you should have stopped here.....but......)
But let us ponder a little bit, was I the only one who was racist here? Let me pinpoint some things out:
Face it, most of us hate the Russians, either their language, their culture, the way they work, and the country itself. We can’t even mix well with the Russians. Even when the Russians bragged about their famous ancestors who were poets or scientists, we expressed the look of contempt.
If the Russian hooligans keep beating us, that does not mean that all of the Russians would want to beat us. We always mistakenly judge a whole race only by judging some of their minority, and so was I. Isn’t this racist enough?
Now let’s go to the black Africans among us. Some of them are not really clever, some of them are really lazy. But we tend to avoid them and judge them all the same, that all the black are stupid. Even if one of them showed their cleverness, we would say “That negro is just showing off”. If they would get a better mark in tests we say that they are cheating when they obviously didn’t. Isn’t this racist enough?
Even among us Malays, Chinese and Indians, we also tend to be racist to each other, at least quietly. Although this is very rare, the Malays might talk racist things about Chinese and Indians. The others too may backstab the Malays using their own mother tongue so that the Malays couldn’t understand (at first I doubted this, but then I found out it was true). Isn’t this racist enough?
Let me stress that only some of us are racist, but the others are good Malaysians. Although some of us are racist so quietly and discretely, will that make things any better? The kind of minor racism is expressed by the isolation among us. We can’t get along with the Russians or the black Africans. Even some of us Malaysians also tend to be isolated from each other according to races, either in class, when doing things, hanging out and so on.
I admire the people in the West because they can get along with each other, regardless of whatever their races and religions are, whether they are whites or blacks. That is the ideal community we should create. I have condemned myself on being racist, so now, let’s abolish racism together, shall we?"
Eugene Sharma: Dude,if your in the "RACIST" boat.Please do not try to provide excuses and proof to substantiate that all of us are also racist.There is a difference between racism and contempt.We never hated the Russians.We are just very upset that they cannot see us as equals eventhough we have been very peaceful and friendly from the start.The few students( I dont know who) who "expressed the look of contempt" are not racist too.They are just not proud of the russian system of educations.And for gods sake(or whoever you pray to) there is no such thing as a "Black African".If you got your facts right,nature can never produce anything of pure black.They are all regarded as africans.I admire those in the East,for eventhough you have erred the 2nd time,we still are ready to forgive
ME: i noticed you like to use the word "we" instead of "me"....are u trying to represent the thought of all malaysian?? because this is not what "all of us " are thinking.you are too subjective thinking everyone thinks the same way as you....not "all " of us hate russia, russians, and their culture. i like working with some of my russian teachers actually, esp my anatomy teacher. and not "all" of us think that the africans are like what you u've described.... don let them see these posts....or they would think "all "malaysians are stupid.... you would be the one to blame FOR SURE...... it's funny that you ädmire the west for being non racist?? are u kidding me??? we are in the WEST now la dear....see what they have done to us....needless to say other WESTERN countries.... few years ago they were just admiring us for being able to live together harmonously even tho we are of diff races..... BUT NOW YOU ARE SAYING OTHERWISE......hmmm.....a word from a government scholar...not bad....
well, about the backstabbing with mother tongue....i have to say...: siapa yang makan cili, dia yang rasa pedasnya.... i am proud to know an extra language, but that doesn't mean i will backstab you at your back. do not assume everyone do the same act as u.... just because you do not understand us, that doesn't give you the right to insult our whole race. we just feel comfortable speaking our own mother tongue, just like you prefer to speak yours...if you want to speak only YOUR mother tongue in front of you, that is another human rights that you have taken away from us, isn't it??
DUE TO SAMBUTAN HANGAT FROM MANY PEOPLE, THE AUTHOR DECIDED TO APOLOGIZE...AGAIN.....
SUBJECT:People just love exaggerating, don't they?
This is the third time I am writing an apology bulletin, and I shall end at this point of apologizing, for offering apologies thrice when people won't accept my apologies are considered exaggerating.
And for those who exaggerated in attacking me, calling me a racist when apparently I am not a racist anymore are those who likes to exaggerate and make nothing better for both aggravated party and apologizing party. I am not one of them.
I am not defending my facts or bulletin here although I can see all the twists which has been made by someone who openly called me racist. Either my English is too bad that no one could understand or the truth is twisted and it's used for exaggerating in attacking me.
I am not defending anymore because I know however clever I could do it, those who won't accept my apologies will still not accept my apologies. Whatever truth or apologies I write will make no difference to them. They enjoy the pleasure of attacking me, and, I have to admit, they are winning.
And a word for those who exaggerate, while it is very improper for a Malay Muslim like me to criticize people, it is very proper for others to criticize me and talking false things about my religion. You think you are so privileged, but I just don't think so.
Remember the Microsoft Word with the pictures of plane crashing the
Twin
Towers
, the Wingding stuff? The verse you took never exists in the Koran and Muslims feel so bad about that. I believe that was your honest mistake and this time I made mine one too. We call it even now?
I am calling for anti-racism but sadly some people just love attacking people. Thus, if anyone wants to indulge oneself by attacking me and humiliating me, they are welcomed to do so. But for the last, I am really sorry for the inconvenience, discomfort, unhappiness that I brought
ME: dear, author, you are a great person. a person of his own opinion and dares to voice it out. i believe someday, you will be a great politician, and your name would be written in sejarah text book...someday, in one way or another....
btw, do you realise that you are contradicting your points in your 2nd and 3rd post?? first you admit you are being racist....then u say u are not...
and from what i see, nobody brings out the issue of your religion, what more to criticize it and feel "privialged "about that?? -- there is a saying in chinese; look down on yourself and you will be looked down by others... my advice is, be proud of who you are, and what you belief.....but acknowledge your mistakes, and correct them..
anyway, as a friend, my advice to you is once you have made a mistake, be a man and admit it yourself. do not bring up your whole race to back you up... each person has his own individuality and thoughts. do not expect all people with the same proportion of melanin to have their brain working in the same way.i believe not everyone of your race think like you, as i think it is true for mine.....
this post is not meant to attack you, humiliate you in anyway. just need you to realise your own mistakes so that the next time i see your name appear in the sejarah book, you won't be the one causing the breakdown of our unity as Malaysians
it was a tragedy, not rare, but involved many people, influenced their life in different way.
this is a story that happened in nizhny novgorod, on wednesday, 12/4/2006. no name shall be mentioned. the story shall include views from many angle, putting out some questions and arguements...and it shall be seen objectively, not siding to any party.....with no intention to offend anybody
it was a normal day, everyone doing their daily routine (most of it being attending classes, lectures...). when all that has finally ended, everyone thought that another day is over, looking forward to the next routine day to come... but this monotonous pace was disturbed by a news i heard from the kitchen saying that the russian class was cancelled because the teacher needed to send a senior to the hospital....
he was beaten up by 8 ppl....so they say...somewhere between our hostel and bio physiological campus.... he managed to make his way back to our hostel, he was helped by the russian teachers. but the thing is he couldn't remember what happened in that incident, ie who beat him, where he got beaten.....yes , he suffered from short term memory lost. 2 of my friends went to see him in the hospital. they said he was attacked at the temporal lobe. he could remember what happened before lecture, his name and everything.....but not after that...not at all.... from some other sources it was said that he went out with some russian girl and got beaten up by the youngsters. he "lost" his memory to cover it. how ture is that?? nobody knows...maybe it was just a hypothesis...maybe not... but one thing is questionable ... how do ppl know that he was beaten by 8 ppl , where and when, if he himself doesn't know.... i mean if there were witness, of course he/she would bring him back, and he wouldn't come back alone.....
anyway, the fact he got beaten up and that is not right....so something must be done about it
on that night... an urgent meeting was held to discuss this issue to take drastic actions... it concerns all foreign students of this university. it was supposed to be held by the Student Union, which is chaired by our very own malaysian seniors. however throughout the meeting, despite the fact that our fellow malaysian seniors was beaten up, the malaysians as always, remains passive... the meeting was conducted by an arabic(speaking russian) and an african translating. they showed anger, rage, and strong will to take action. it avoke many responses. malaysian being the majority of foreign students here (80%) were quiet throughout the meeting. only when the final decision was made....that all (well....almost all) agreed to have strike,refusing to attend all classes and all lectures on the next day....to force the academy to take actions, that malaysians showed support and shouted "strike! strike! strike!".... does that indicate that malaysians are only capable of being a follower??
this decision was made mainly because the academy was supposed to place a police post in our academy.....it was promised some time ago, but no actions has been taken. maybe it's a russian thingy, but they tend to delay things....like you have to constantly push them in order to get somethings done. ya of course they can make wonderful promises....but those are mostly empty ones.... to have strike might not seem reasonable or practical in the eyes of malaysian (not to me at least) but apparently this is the only thing we are capable of doing....having no power of doing anything, having the embassy far away from us.this is the only way to show our anger and "helpless"ness( if there is such word).
in the meeting in order to persuade all the people to agree on striking... they bring out old history about how many ppl got beaten up or even killed by these skin heads and hooligans... it was said to be their ritual to take one or 2 lifes esp in this month of april, due to Hitler's anniversary....and their known to be well-based in St. Petersburg and Varonesh.... it was said that they have an army there....and they are placing them all over russia....and we have to do something before it gets to nizhny.... this statement of course caught our attention and worries....and it's a great propaganda to get everybody into this strike thingy...
they proposed that all of us go to the dean's office together...all 500 of us... making a clear indication that we are not happy that foreigners are constantly get beaten up and no visible actions are taken. we are suppose to rent a few buses to bring all of us there....according to them we must go there together.....everybody. and there shall be no class for everybody...to show that we are all united.... they were so determined to get everyone into this because the pass attempts to go to the dean's office to negotiate with the big shots inside failed....they were kicked out...
harsh statements were made. eg. they would lock the main door so that nobody can go to classes... if they see anybody going to class, in case he/she got beaten up next time, nobody would care less... i mean of course, there are many ways to persuade...but to use these kind of statements to force ppl to get into this strike is just too much....not so much of democracy being practiced here... and not what a future doctor would say either....it's like telling the patient "if you don't take my medical advice, do not come and bag for help when you are dying later"....or "i won't let you out of my hospital if you don wanna recieve my treatment"....
as i have said, this incident gave different impact on different people. one of my coursemate who was beaten up last winter felt the pain once again when he heard the news. he is not agressive by nature, but he was one of the people who showed the most reaction to the proposal of striking.... some people might wonder how he has change...but i think what ppl say is right. you would never understand what you've never experiece... just like my friends in malaysia wouldn't understand what kind of danger and fear we are experiencing now... he group mate comforted him....showing that there are still ppl who would support him, to help him to get out from this shadow of darkness...
2 girls in our hostel wrote a poem (or sth like that)....saying how are we different that they have to beat us up, saying that we come to this foreign country with good intentions, eating the same food, breathing the same air.....just because of skin color difference...they beat us up.... they showed their fear, anger, and anxiety....which at this time....touch us all...and they translated the poem into russian.....using a translater i think...because alot of mistakes...but nevertheless...it voiced out our concerns....
actually this hooliganism happens everywhere in the world....not only in russia...but why is it that everyone make so much fuss about it?? the reason is simple. because we do not see the bad guys got caught, beaten up like what they did to us..everytime somebody got beaten, the police came and make report, but no news of what happened to the bad guys then....ya , the proposal was to place a police post in our hostel to PREVENT these things from happening...but deep down inside everyone's heart in the darkest corner is the desire to see them got caught and suffer from those bad things they have done. make them feel the pain....or better still, to take those actions in their hand.... nobody wants to bare the pain alone... this is human's nature....apparently...( you can't expect everyone to be saint, afterall..)
so all groups had decided not to go to classes and lectures tomorrow....
well, this didn't feel right to me.... i wasn't educated not to go for classes. i understand this is for the sake of all students...but i just do not feel right. i was insisting on going to classes on the next day, but i was persuaded or even scolded by some people...of course i would follow the majority's decision on going to the dean's office together...but i was struggling between going or not to the class....which apparently is not important at all to others... it's a shame and ironic to me that for the first time in my life i am scolded for wanting to go to classes, by some people who is happy to have an extra day of holiday...and for the first time they sounded so right... and i looked so guilty for insisting of studying...how crazy is that....
in the end, i didn't go to classes...but at the same time i felt sorry for those teachers....they were the good russians of course. but to bring them into this mess makes me feel guilty. they are innocent. and imagine what would you feel as a teacher when nobody attends your class...none....zero....or worst, the lecture who is supposed to be attended by 200 ppl...
the next day, since 8 am, all the departments from the first year to the 6th...kept calling the dean's office to tell them about this situation. this of course, worried them. and they know that we meant business...and they are in big trouble if this goes on.
we gathered down the hostel since 1200 and waited for the buses to bring us there....but it was funny that they only rent 2 small buses and expect to fit 500 ppl inside...of course it's impossible...some of them went back. me, being one of the ppl at the back, din't get to go to the dean's...nevertheless, it was still a magnificent sight seeing all 500 ppl gathering down the hostels....
another meeting was held that night....it was said that the pro-rector came out to greet those ppl like a do g....and for the first time everyone could go into the office....(only about 60 of them)....and the promise was made to do it ASAP.......how true is that?? it is another one of those empty promises just to calm us down?? nobody knows....anyway the arabian and the african was condemning the pro-rector and the dean's when suddenly the door open the the pro-rector appeared....he was accompanying the jpa representitive from moscow who juz arrived and insisted on seeing us...hah....it was an awkward scene when both of them was startled and didn't know what to do...they immediately change the subject and declare that we should go for classes today......and since the pro rector was juz sitting beside, they didn't know how to end the meeting ....ended up saying the same thing over and over again...hahhaa...this teaches us not to say bad things at ppl's back...how much did the rector hear?? who knows....??
another thing worth mentioning is that in medical studies missing one day of class can mean alot...probably, one big part of the syllabus.... thus, is it not good for our studies... esp for those who are taking exam soon ( like in 3 days time)...and to force everybody not to go for classes is not a reasonable thing, esp if it's strongly against their will. you can't just knock on thier door and tell them please don go for class tomorrow, we should act as a team... when that doesn't work, you tend to threaten him/ her... everyone has his own will, his believe, and his desire....and he has the right not to do it...using tricks to persuade is juz not right.. esp to make something so right seemed so wrong....and make them feel guilty for doing the right thing....
i came into science/ medic because being naive, i thought i could avoid all political issues, s i've had enough of that....but i was wrong...politics are everywhere. where there's human, where there's desire, the will to manipulate, there will be politics.... and to think that becoming a doctor is universal, not tied by politics factors, helping whoever is in need....how idealistic was i?? sigh....
now that the strike is over....i hope everything will get back to normal asap...back to our normal routine life...i hope the senior would get well soon....and none of us would be beaten up again....
why is it that when a person is sick, he/she gets special treatment. somebody would cook something for him/her to ease the pain, to take care of the disease, and when i get the sickness.....everybody still treats me like crap??
i've been sick since monday. but being a responsible student, i still attend all the lectures, got to all the classes...some of them which othe people won't go even under normal/healthy conditions. i was struggling throughout the week, travelling in the snow and all with flu, sore throat and fever, but of course i din't complain much.i mean why make other people worry by making my pathetic face??
but seems like people arround me ignore the fact that i am sick, either they are too stupid to notice that i'm coughing all the time, eye's red, and sneezing an elephant out of my nose....or they just don't care. anyhow they still do not make my life easier.
i know these few days my mood is not that good, and i loose myself quite easily....esp when somebody ask me to do something out of my will. maybe it's just something small, and i might seem abit xiao qi.....but hey, give me a break! i am a sick person, and i think i have the right not to do something out of my capacity.
i do not like to be ordered around. and when people does that, i will be very very very pissed off. you would be lucky if i juz turn around and walk away. if i can't contain my anger, i'll shout back at you even with my half broken voice untill all your face is covered with my saliva....even if it means i would loose my voice...
ironically, those that cared about my sickness and realised i need help are those that i quarrel most with in class, whereas those whom i thought was close to me.......well.....they din't notice/they don care.
i should have stayed home yesterday. but under a friend's request who ignored the fact that i'm still sick, i went out to restaurant for a dinner with them. and guess what, the restaurant was full. and some smart fella suggested another place which even she doesn't know how to go. and we stopped before the stop....and walked for 2 stops....before realising that we are lost!! ( i remind you that it's blooding cold out there)..... we finally decided to juz drop by at a small cafe for dinner...
i bought a comp chair yesterday in a furniture shop with a few girls.....see , that's the mistake... when you are sick, and you are not a superman....you DO NOT buy furnitures with girlS..(A girl is ok...you can become a gentlemen,...but 6??) ..they expect you to carry ALL their stuff to their doorstep.....knock their door and wake them up....or leave it while they go out hanging around with boy friends.... well, i don think i'm being xiao qi here....
haha....i am not suppose to be recieving all the furnitures......i was juz being nice trying to help an insomnic girl who juz slept this morning....but hey, i can't be carring a shelf and 6 computer chairs in -10 outside ALONE!!... i tried to contact the rest to collect the chairs... but out of the 5 girls, 1 was sleeping, 1 went out with boyfriend, 1 unreachable by phone, 1 is cooking, and the insomnic girl's phone is with me ( because the furniture fella was supposed to call her)....so i alone have to carry all the furnitures from the van....and walk about 3/4 times to and fro the hostel door carrying that darn furnitures, while other people that pass by juz sees an idiot carrying stuff alone wondering why he need so many furnitures for and walk away...felt so stupid and angry.... tried to reach them again and again....and almost reached my boiling point.......but i din burst...
i put the furniture on the first floor near the enterence. of course u can't expect a sick person to deliver all the chairs to the ladies(some up to the 4th floor)...but of course i did try to call those still in the hostel to collect.
but what triggered me is when the insomnic girl come to my room and ask where is my chair and cupboard...i answered with a harsh voice "1st floor!" and gave her the cold stare......and walked into my room....then after that when my groupmate who she asked to help her carry the stuff came to my room and asked for help....and i say "no!" ( dunno why...some people juz can't accept no for an answer...like never hear the word before...or at least not from my mouth...maybe i'm too good all these while) and ask again and again.....when she said something which i forgot what that trigger the switch, i exploded. i din know what happened....but i think i might raised my voice to her....
the next thing that triggered me was a call from the unreachable girl....asked me where did i put the chair, expecting me to say that it's in front of her room. but answered very calmly at first,"at the enterence". when she said the words "WHAT?? WHAT IF PEOPLE STEAL THE CHAIR!!" once again i scolded through the telephone....feeling very very very angry.....and as i am typing this i am still angry.....the conversation ended with me cutting off the line. being an arrogant leo, she obviously thinks she's right and it's all my fault....blah blah blah.....and we don't talk till now.
this entry is full with anger, sadness, and sorrow + some depression. i know it's impropriate to put in entry like this because when i look back someday, i'll regret it. but hey, for now, this is my only way to release it( almost crashing the keyboard already....i am typing so hard here...literally...)
i would like to thank all those friends who really cared about me...making the effort to ask about me. it means alot to me.....really....
to the others.....God bless you. may you be healthy always....
see, today i made a silly decision to go to mc d. my main purpose was only to withdraw money for the month,and to take dinner at the mc d nearby....i was out of cash....it could wait till tomorrow i guess..but i insisted to go today...
so after withdrawing money, went to mc d. 2 friends were with me. we were chatting and eating.my wallet with the 5500 roubles i've juz withdrawn is in the coat on the chair i was sitting on. i din realised what happen. but when we were about to get up and get going, i realisedmy wallet was missing!!! i was looking for it on the floor, in the table, inside plastic bag, i even asked the cashier with my broken russian.
then came a men holding my wallet.. he asked whether i've dropped my wallet and asked me to go to the street with him. on the street there was a men lying on the street hold down by 4/5 men. the guy told me that he stole my wallet and ask me to wait for the police to come. i checked my wallet and everything was in place. the money, credit card, bank card, malaysian ic....i can't imagine what would happen if i really lost the wallet....it would be a nightmare.
2nd mistake of the day. i should have went back home instead of waiting for the police.
it was a looooong procedure. 1st had to wait under -10 celcius. then when the police finally came, had to follow them to the police station, then nvm....on the way to the police station sit beside the theif somemore....and thus risking myself being recognized by the theif and then getting beaten up or slaugthered when he is free later....then in the police station, the translator that they promised din know how to speak in english....(stupid...but when we speak she understand pulak)...then had to call russian teacher to the rescue, write 2 sets of report, 1 declaration, and dunno what document.....then we are finally freed from police station after 3hours.......
this thief was unlucky to steal from me today. he is like a serial theif that stolen many cell phones recently. those ppl that catch him was his victims few days ago.
but there's more to this. i have to attend to court when they call me. really hate it. dahlah my russian sucks. and in case they dun have translator there, i'm gonna be the joke of the court of the century. and if the court date coincide with my exam date or the day i come back to malaysia and they tahan me....habislah........
and now to think it over, i am the cause that somebody is going to jail.....is it a sin??
so now i dunno whether i am lucky or not.... maybe by getting my wallets back i've used up all my luck for the year....those i reaaly need for exams, safe on the plane....etc....sigh...
i went to dean's office to settle all the documents before the new semester starts the same day i arived to nizhny. on the way i go through walking street hoping that i could get a singing stuffed toy dog singing "mr. lonely". he has very big cute eyes. tot of buying it since it's a dog year this year....but anyway the doggy i wanted sold out edi
anyway, as i walked pass...sth caught my attention----50-70% discount on Chester shop. chester is a uk brand famous for boots and footwear (my fren told me one). but at normal price is damn expensive.i won't even enter the shop under normal conditions.
so i went in. look around and this boot(look picture) caught my eye. without hesitation i bought the shoe with 70% off.
normal price is 3990 roubles. after discount it's 1290 roubles.it's like less than rm200. i think it's worth it because the last boot i wore was about 1000 roubles which is so capalang like the boots on the constuction site (like the phua chu kang's one, only leather..)
and the thing i like about the boots is there's not string. only zip in front.so i dun need to worry about my shoe laces coming off. and the tip of the shop is pointed (instead of normal round one), sth that i've always wanted.
moreover, it has fur inside to keep my feet warm.
i never really bought new clothes for cny. so let this be a new shoe for my chinese new year...
at last, i have a branded boots for the rest of the winter and spring. no more warm body and cold feet.hehehehe........
after 1 month of struggling....finally finished my exam. it has been a torture, both mentally and physically. this exam requires determination, stamina, strong will, good health and luck. it really test our brain capacity limit, making me realise that my ambition to become a doctor is not an easy choice after all...
i still remember how it feels esp few days before exam. it's like i've lost all my senses. i had reached the state where i dunno whether i'm hungry or full, tired or fresh. i feeled hungry when i start studying, but no apetite to eat. i am physically tired but i juz can't sleep when i get into bed. this feeling has been a routine for me for the whole of january 2006.
my room has turned into a total mess. clothes everywhere, books on the floor, unwashed dishes, messy bed,etc. really had no time to clean up everything, what more to have the mood to prepare myself for coming chinese new year.
i would never forget this experience. having to prepare for a big exam on cny. my reunion dinner was with a few friends in mc d. itupun in a hurry. really feel like crying. the sense of emptiness during such big festive season when everyone recieve angpau happily while i have to prepare for exam.....unbarable. and the thought of having to suffer this situation for another 4 year made my mood worse. really feel envious of those who can eat a proper reunion dinner with family and those who can celebrate cny with their family.
yesterday was the worst. i think the worse cny i have ever had. seeing other people who finished exam ealier celebrating.....gives unnessasary pressure to me. (my group was scheduled to do exam later)
note to self : for the next sem, i will be the first to do exam in all subjects,
i was thinking yesterday. what if i do badly today. is the period of cny. would i have bad luck for the rest of the year??
again and again i reassured myself, that i've done my best. and the rest is up to Him to lead me to the result i deserve. but the thought of failing and dissapointment kept hunting me.
and due to intensive brain activity, i have insomnia for last few days. it's like it(my brain) won't slow down to rest. and that's bad.....
well. now everything is over. and all the hardwork paid off.
today i went out the hostel gazing at the gloomy sky. when i came out of the examination hall, the same sky looks brighter and sunnier....
i'm going clean up the mess i've done for the pass month. let it have some cny atmosphere. and tonight, i'll come up with something to fill up the chinese new year i've missed yeaterday.
then i'm going to pack.....for i'm going to egypt as an 'angpau' for myself for all the hard work.... and i think i deserve it.
new year. it means differently to everyone. some would wake up today and treat it as any other boring day in their life...and some would give themselves a chance for a new beginning, a new chapter in their life....myself would prefer the latter...
i did not write conclusion about 2005 because i do not wanna use the last few days of it looking back of what i did while wasting the 2005 that would never come back in my life...instead, i was preparing myself for new hopes, new challenges coming ahead in 2006.
before i came to russia, new year meant only changing the date on the top right corner of your exercise book to the following year....i always had trouble writing the new dates...hehehe.. other than that, we see ppl counting down on the tv....and terperuk the whole day in the house. there's not really a celebration. nobody has the spirit of celebrating. the most being only looking at fireworks in the town centre, probably because they are not allowed to play them. in malaysia...it IS just another day....
in fact i think malaysians are the only ones in this world who's lack of passion in this....it's being apparent lately even during our own festivals. i think it's a sad case lo...
here in russia, the ppl treat 1st day of the year as the most important day of the year....even more important than their independence day. and starting this year...they have long public holidays for about 10 days for their new year and coming christmas. everywhere in russia places will be close early on the day before. classes will end early too....all for preparing for the coming new year. new stalls are opened to sell fire crackers. and for once in the year, you can see friendly russians walking on the street wishing you "S Novim Godom" (means happy new year)....everybody is ready for party, for celebration. whereever you go, you can really feel the new year mood coming.
i was honoured to be invited to a limited new year party organized by one of my groupmates. limited means only a few are invited. at first we cook for dinner at 530. the rel party started at 930. beofre that tried to call a few ppl in malaysia but strangely either i can't get though or they don pick up the phone...
p/s: i dunno what number would appear on your cell phone if i call back from russia...i can understand some of you don't want to talk to strangers, but at least answer the phone first ler...nobody would kidnap you through the phone ler....(not like can suck you into the phone....hehehe)
the party begins.....first we eat ( typical malaysian way of starting any social event)....then we had games....really fun games....haven had such a great time since god knows when...i mean the laugher and smile on everyone's face....it's rare here esp during exam period.....( it's a long exciting game....but i won't describe it here...will put on pictures soon)
in the hostel itself there were a few places of party that i know. the biggest one being the one in the hall on ground floor...but they are too "passionate" la...most of them are africans...a strange phenomena for me because i don usually see them in the hostel...but on that night the whole hall is full of them!! there were very "high" about the celebration...with tthe Dj's blasting the music whole night long... singing, dancing and some games maybe....alchohol ranging from 5% to 40% is everywhere...free and available...(of course i don drink there...) i din't go down there because wé were haing our own party...only go down for countdown nia.
3...2....1.........HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!!!!!
ppl in the hall hug each other congratulating each other for 2006,regardless whether they know each other or not....(and regradless of sex, country, and race....of course...) that moment, everybody in the hall was so high....they play fireworks in the hall....hehehe...i liked that kind of spirit......how to say ........very inspiring......it was ok...untill the whole place is full with smoke...that's when i decided to go back up...
we sang and danced the whole night untill about 3... they get more high as the night goes on....some of them were drunk due to excess input of alchohol...me myself drank abit...but it was ok i think...
was glad that i recieved a few sms yesterday....2 being meaningful to me....1 of them were form my russian friend whom i met in the bus last month when the bus had some problem and we chatted for half an hour....
i woke up this morning knowing that i have entered a new year. i've determined to change some bad habbits, and preserve the good ones (if any) to make this world a better place...
i hope this year would be smooth, joyful, healthy, good luck and everything good.....to me and to everyone i know.......
things change overtime.....but i hope this new year would not change my friendship with some of my great friends back in malaysia. although i'm far away....i would still be very much like to join them for any interesting events....know that when i said friendship forever.....i meant it...
it was 8th of December 2005. a very wonderful day.....i was bornt on that day 19 years ago.... my world began that day...and i was blessed with alot of love from many people around me....
i can believe that i would wake up one day and realise that i am 19 years old in russia....
the week before was hectic(refer to previous journals) and i din't want this special day to get ruined by any unpleasant event.....so i finished all my test on that week the day before...and maybe i was lucky...all of them went well....
due to the time difference in russia and malaysia....i recieved some early messages from my friend in malaysia giving their warmest wish....the earliest being sue jan.....thanks alot.... she said she send me a card....but i haven recieved it when i read the msg....but when i know that she juz sent the week before...i know it's impossible to reach in time...(normal post takes 3 weeks to reach here)...
follow after was many firends from my hostel and malaysia....hehehe...my inbox appeared "No spaces for new messeges"....it's been a long time since this happened to me...everytime i would delete my old msges and wait for the new msges that i knew would come again in a few minutes...the phone make noise the whole night till i have to turn it silent to avoid kacauing my roommate....
it was 0000 8th of december....recieved msg from kian siang who was still awake at 5 am in malaysia.....terharu man...then somebody knock the door.... when i opened it....it was all my groupmates!!! allvery tired and wanted to sleep edi...but still came oer to celebrate for me....hehehe..but i was in the pyjamas that time....so malu....
we celebrated at the common kitchen near my room.....one of my friend even cook mi sua and boiled the red egg for me ( typical chinese food eaten on birthdays)....i believed he put alot of effort in it...then the girls le....some went to buy cake and juice for me..... so terharu...
soon after...jeremy came over to give me a choccholate as present
hui ming and chong khian came 1 hour before and gave a sandwich with ham and egg inside....it was super delicious....
my roommate and his groupmates gave me a card with blessings and blue figure of santa with bell inside....when the time i saw the present put on my table, we was sleeping edi
the next morning woke up as usual and saw some msges...one of them from my mom who sent before going for work...
after that i went to histology class as usual....recieved a msg from mven all the way from uk during my class...thanks dude
from here.....i what i call miracle happenned....
in that morning i went to class taking the bus number 17 which maybe at least 20 of them in the whole state....i dropped my glove on the bus that day......but i din realised it.... when the class finished...i went home taking the SAME exact bus.....that was like sooooo impossible.... the dunno why the conductor was so kind that day/....she approached me and asked whether i've lost my gloves.......when checked baru i realised.....and smile back and say yes... what amazes me is that she can still remember my face even tho she see many people everyday (in the morning there is at least 100 of people squeezed in that small bus)...
when i reached the hostel after my lecture....i saw something on the desk where the postman put all the new letters.....being curious...i went to see who got new letters that day.....surprising ly...i saw my name written in russian on the paper saying i got a PARCEL!!!.... i recieved all the parcel my mom sent few weeks ago....so i guess it must be the one my aunt send...10kg full of keropok...hehehehhe....but it was really a miracle that the parcel reach on THAT day lo....so chun one...i took the paper while walking up stairs....senyum tersengih-sengih....still can't believe that it was happening to me...
when i enter the room....i really can't believe my own luck when i saw a yellow envelope with my name written on it....it was the card sue jan sent to me.....walau.....it was so so so so impossible that the mail reach to me in 1 week.....and on that day itself....( the postman only come once or twice a week..... and it's hard to culaulate the time to reach here...) that time i really relly feel lucky and blessed.... thanks again for the card and the wonderful cake, sue jan....
in the evening....went to eat pizza with my groupmates....
in the night....still recieving many msges.....when i checked online....many ppl sent msges thru frenster and mail....
on saturday.... got 2 more present from my friends....it was a spiderman figurine and a model robot.....written for +7 and above.....thanks alot u guys
and of course still recieveing some belated wishes from some of my friends.....was happy to hear from them....and still remember after a few days...
was glad that many people remembered the day that meant alot to me...felt blessed and lucky....was probably the happiest guy that day.....
of course i wonder why so many wonderful things can happen to me in one day....but that thought of questioning them dissapear when i juz answer it with the fact that it was my birthday... as a rule we don't ask "why is this happening to me???" when good things happen to us...we juz accept it as it is...we only do so when we need to blame somebody for bad things that happen to us... but for this special day that has been granted to me.....i thank God for it.....or whoever is making this happened....
that day....i saw miracle happening....to myself....the same miracle that happened on the same day 19 years ago.....
these 2 weeks have been very meaningful to me....so i think i should mark it down....
as my russian teacher said...1 test per week is normal, 2 is understandable, 3 is a nightmare, and 4 is crazy....
last week, i had a whole week full of test.....monday to thursday....and it was horrible i tell you...
few hours of sleep per day....the stress and tension....so teruk..
all of them are important subjects
and worse still....i din know that i have test untill the day before...
start from monday...physiology...we had a test on respiratory system....i din know that untill the morning itself....it was a small test to test our knowlegde on the figures....but i wasn't prepared at all...so hafal on that morning in the class lo...and that topic nv teach b4 this....we had the test after the teacher teached on that day itself...and as usual....i get the question that i dun like...it was a 50-50 chance....and i HAD to get the question that i dun like...
in case u dun know.....my luck on exam is quite bad one...
on tuesday...anatomy test on circulatory system....heart and all the vessels....tht day i din sleep well...maybe too worried.....but really study la....coz wasn't sure about the stucture of the heart...i think i was quite blur when the teacher teach about the heart..prepared for theory and practical test on that night...but can't finish,,,,so left a few question that i dun like......but i had a bad feeling about it...so i read one of them on the bus..."the blood circulation of fetus".....then during test....i got a ticket of 5 questions...
1) describe the right ventricle of the heart.
2) describe the valves of the heart
3) describe branches of the internal jugular vein
4)describe the blood circulation of fetus
5 describe coelic trunk
walau...when i see the ticket....dunno to laugh or to cry le.....if i din study that question n the bus ....i mati on the spot edi... the i dun like question 1 and 3 too....
but in the end i could do all the questions la....so ok la...
for the practical..i managed to find all 15 structure on the corpse and cross section of the head....and heart...luckily i studied heart the day before...hehehe...and i dunno why our teacher like to choose the hancur punya preparate....easy stucture also cannot find..
next day it's the biochemistry.....we had test for glycolysis and glycogenolysis...but i din know that.....tot only glycolysis....so oni study for that lo....the next morning had russian class....then oni my groupmate tell me got glycogenolysis......wa lau.....terkejut man...
i used the interval between russian class and lecture (about 30minutes) to study it. damn kan cheong man.....i was praying very hard that i dun get the questions about it....
but i HAD to get that question.....it was also a 50-50 chance and i have to get glycogenolysis(which i studied for 30 min) instead of glycolysis which i studies for the whole night...
but luckil i could remember.....altho did 1 very small stupid mistake of 1 easy structure.....all because of my lack of confidence....sigh...
at the ens end of the class i was told that the conferece that i participate in is on friday....and i wasn suppose to do a presentation for 7minutes.....damn....i haven started anything yet...and i have less than 48 hours t finish it....
what is even "more fun",,,i have histology test on the next day,....no thanks to my teacher who fong fei kei us for 2 times.....so study for the 3rd time on that day lo.....
the next morning....was praying very hard that i dun get pancreas and large intestine....cause for me those 2 slaids are hard t0 differentiate...but among those 15 slaids.....i HAVE to get those 2 slaids....oh shit man....
had some problem with the practical.....when the teacher give the mark....she said....ur theory us much better than practical...you need to work on it.....
i was thinking...shit man..if not because of u...i won't loose semangat to take the test.... feel like tumbuk her that time...
ok.....so far got 4 days of test edi....the next day ler...i got presentation....but it will be on the next entry.....coz dun wanna bore ppl who is probably yawning by now.....
dunno wat to say edi...i memang suey to the max edi...
last week i was suppose to have my histology test on digestive system....but the teacher nv come....because she was sick or sth....so pospone the test...wasted whole night of effort studying....ok fine....i can bare with it...
BUT TODAY/................she is present.....ok...good....thought she would give us the test edi and end our pain that had lasted since last week....but nooooo..............because the other class punya teacher is on holiday...so gabung class...because they had finished the exam last week...we had to have class today instead of test.....so that means my test is postponed again foor another week...
she's so inconsiderade.....she didn't even think of our problem....thought histology is the only subject we are studying....cis.....that means next week we have another accumulated subject for test....and anatomy test is coming next week tooo....
so geram right now...to me not able to take the test is like failing the test....because when u fail u still need to study again to take the test again....now i'm not even given a chance to answer....and tak pasal pasal have to study the same material 3 times for one small exam....
because
fail = study again
not able to take exam = study again
not able to take exam=fail
i better score well for this exam man.....if not i will cekik myself edi....
i read the online newspaper just now....and saw an article arguing about teaching the subjects in BM or English in university
this language thingy has been a debate since long long time ago...the authority has yet to decide till now whether to do it in English or BM. on one hand, they wanna cope with the vast developement of the world but on th other, they scared that they would loose their original identity...
but in fact, language is created centuries ago by human to communicate. to deliver messages and to understand each other. each word brings meaning and as long as the msg is delivered, the language has done its job.
in a lecture when the lecturer speaks, the aim is for the student to understand.it doesn't matter how poor the command of english is...he/she may use simple words to convey a simple idea. if the audience understand what he's saying, he's a good lecturer. it's irrelavent to judge the quality of the lecturer based on his/her command of language.it's the knowledge u want from him. so what if he speaks fluent english but isi kosong.....sure u would be amazed by how he use those flowery words....but in the end, u get nothing...
when 2 people from different culture background and language meets, the communication is hard at first. but we are of the same species.we can understand each other by body language.
my defination of body language : it's the way of communication between the creature of same species to understand each other by body movements.when we are thinking of something to tell the person we wanna convey msg to, our organism sends a type of electromagnetic wave to that person, containing the msg we wanna deliver..however, being the ignorant species that we are, we do not understand that msg. perhaps our body understands and react to it, but our mind rejects it as an unimportant impuls(we tend to reject those we do not understand). thus the msg is inhibited....but if we observe carefully and listen and see not with our eys or ears, but with our "heart".(heart here means sensory system other than the 5 senses that we know).
those that understand the electromagnetic wave msges is known by human as "psychics".
but in fact we all have that ability to understand. we just need to devote some attention to harvest it.
when i first came to russia, my russian is bad (well, now still bad la'). but when talking to some russian in russian, when i was scratching my head trying to find the correct word, with " errr...." and "ahhhhh....", they somehow like understand what i am saying, and tell me back what i wanted to tell them.and me on the other hand, although i dun understand many of their words when they speak, i still managed to get what they want with their facial expression and body movement.
so back to the BM and english thing.i dun thnk we should limit ourselves to one language as the sole teaching medium. as we promote english as international language, we should remember that the only reason we do that is to get the information and sources easier. why do we need to inhibit the use of bm that we spent so much time learning it in secondary school.
those who learn their stuff in english is not superior than those who learn it in other language. because in the end, you will get the same information and ideas. all languages serve their purpose.
a quote from newspaper.
“We know it should all be in English as we studied mathematics and all our science subjects in English in Form Six.
“But what choice do we have if our lecturers choose to teach in BM Malaysia)?” asks an engineering student in Universiti Malaya (UM).
He says his decision to enrol into a public university is proving to be a “waste of time”.
you can't blame the lecturer for not able to switch their teaching style overnight. because the nervous pathway formed in their brain are too used to it edi. and being half a century old, many of their nervous cell is 'üsed up'. thus is very difficult for them to learn new things.it's not their fault, just the limitation of the organism.
but on the other hand, the so called "young people"have the ability to adapt to new environment. they have the ability to form new nervous pathways to understand new stuf better than the old ones. if u force the lecturer to deliver lecture in the language that they are not good in...in the end it's you who looses the precious information.
He adds that students who have problems with English and fail to complete assignments on time sometimes resort to cut-and-paste plagiarism using the Internet to source for material.
“As a result, students are told to submit their lab reports in BM so as to prevent plagiarism .
“This is based on the assumption that there is little information in BM available on the Internet for students to copy."
well, i think this is stupid.if you want students to learn more, but u don want them to take it from the net. then what's the point of promoting english as teaching medium?? the excuse to prevent plagiarism is mere stupidity....or to put in a nicer way....funny...(and to think this idea some from authority in higher education....hahahahaha)
Dr Wan Abdul Manan proposes a win-win situation – to teach in both English and BM.
“In Sweden and some other countries, teaching is bilingual. We can do it here, too.
“That will solve all these problems,” he adds.
if u read my blog all these while, u can see i don't use flowery word and sophisticated english. because i do not need to. i mixed all the languages i know and i'm proud of it.... because my aim is that u understand what i am going to tell you...........
but i disagree with him to some degree.....because to me he's taking trying to find an easy way out. so far other than the dictionary, i have not seen a textbook written in 2 languages (maybe in sweedan, i dunno)....but this will seem kind of wierd lo....taking example of other country and want to implement on our own country is irrational. we should evaluate our own system, ability of our people,and not just copy from other country, as what he have done all these while and caused so much trouble....
my points are contradicting huh???hahahahaha......well, enough of crap...going to study for russian language's test tomorrow.....
thanks to kochi and daryl who are so nostalgic to remember things that happened soooo long ago.....i now join in the fun!!
Ten Years ago....
in std 3, was the monitor of the class. there was a very nice math teacher who retired....he's one of my favourite teacher...knew liang in the school bus we used to take home. knew him in organ class we used to take when in kindergarten.i always asked him in bus "eh u learn organ with me before right??" although i know the answer from him many times edi... was fighting with xiangpei's class (which is situated next to ours) because they always sweep the dust to our class...then we pulak sweep back....there's one day when we quarrel untill the teacher came to stop us.....ahahahahaha...still playful that time....played video games and tamiya racing cars...and loves power rangers then...
5 years ago....
still very inoocent...dunno wat's happening around me. compiled my first "bible"(still having it)... met sue jan who juz transfered that year who happened to sit beside me. still remember we used to laugh alot during mr tay's class....she's was y english teacher... got to know budak taman indah more...esp phang...went cycling with siang everyday...got to know my twin sister who happened to have the same birthday and almost same birth time as me....celebrated 1st birthday with friends. got my first birthday present from friends (the swing).... started to put friends as one of the most important part of my life.... had my first crush too...
1 year ago.....
was bored after SPM's long long holiday... undecided....dunno where to go... had my first job... but quited after 1st day.always go yam cha with friends. been to KMPK in perak for a few weeks...knew some great freinds.. then got jpa and went to INTEC for prepatory course for 3 months....met some great friends....esp john, min yuen, seng hau, charlie, ryan, billy and many more.... had fun with chai zhen and siew yin who happened to study there too....(used to go pasar malam together)...
then came to russia..1st flight experiece, 1st time travelling alone, 1st snow. alot of 1st experience in russia. was wondering whether or not ive made the correct choice to come here....
but was glad my friends gave lots of moral support to me.......
yesterday.....
studied for today's anatomy class....about thoracic and abdominal aorta...and physiology too....din't really catch much sleep....had a bad nightmare...dreamt that my body was covered with green spots and vomitted green stuff.. and the box i used to keep my necklace broke into pieces...and somebody whom i dun know well cooked for me(chicken rice)..no correlation huh??? i dunno why too... in the morning, was tutoring my junior who has his first anatomy test... had a good revision myself too...
5 snacks i enjoyed:
1)twisties 2) snikers 3) mars 4) tic tac 5)chipsmore
5 bad habits:
1)kiasu 2) lazy to clean my room 3) mess up all my notes 4) study last minute 5) selfish over food...hahaha
5 biggest joy:
1) still alive 2) have my friends around me 3) coping well academically 4) loved by my families 5) becoming what i wanna become----a doctor
5 favourite toys:
1) spiderman action figure 2) cybercop 3) lego 4) dinasour and duck (given as my birthday present--stuff toys) 5) X-men...got a few...but no collection.....
i still keep all of my toys....juz hope that my mom dun throw it away...( i even made clothes for them...and weapons too)
5 places i would run away to....
1) st.david's high school 2) the river behind my house 3) my room 4) a chalet in langkawi 5) north pole
5 favourite tv show:
entertainment news (chinese), Charmed, Desperate housewives, super sunday, one tree hill??
today when i wake up....can see outside covering with snow....long time nv see this view edi....although i can't say that i miss it.....my point is proven (or i'm reminded again) when i walked outside for class juz now....when the melting snow dirty my sportshoe.....like walking in the mud.....i can't bare the thought that in 1 month time...my surrounding will look all white.....all white....
it's cool the first time i see the snow last year....but that was before i had to wear thick jackets, long johns, heavy boots, gloves, and scarft everywhere i go...very troublesome...
and the cold weather.....will lead to depression....maybe some of u will recieve my mail again saying about my dreams...hah!!
the road will be slippery....when the snow melts and refreeze again...the the view will be blur....(good in a way that we can't see the air pollution in the thick haze)
on the way to classes....we might see patches of yellow spots...that's the dog's pee.....
when we had our 1st skating experience in russia...the feeling was awesome..although we had to bare -10 celcius of temp out there...
winter is coming.....that means extra blanket at night and heater to keep us warm... (the central heater is my room is spoilt......hope is dun freeze to death this year...)
last year was the warmest year in 33 years...so we hadn't experienced the coldest weather in russia yet...i'm sure this year will be colder...
juz finished 2 test yesterday and today....anatomy and biochemistry....not bad....but still have room to improve....but it's a relief to finish both the test!! today can cook nice food to celebrate...hehehe....and can finally catch a nice sleep...
my room is invaded by mouse recently....juz yesterday me and my roommate caught 3 of them...and 1 the day before....we din't kill them...instead let them go through the window...hopefully they kenang budi and not return back to our room....
well, winter is coming.... and i'll be prepare for it...
nowadays many things happenning around me nowadays....juz in case u wanna know la
nizhny novgorod is is having pandemic hepatitis A now....around 700 people died of it...main cause ....drinking water....we are not advisible to drink from the tap....and everybody should have a filter....and boil water at least for 5 minutes.
another disease is bird flu....it's spreading fast here...
due to above mentioned reason...all the roadside stalls are closed.....and hard to find vege and fuits now.....
last week, there's a junior who juz came for a few days.....kena belasah by 4 drunken man. heard that his head bleed....but now ok d
heard that the skinheads are very active now......some of them came from moscow and beat up foeigners esp. juz a few weeks after i came back from malaysia 2 vietnamese was killed...... about 1000 of them are walking around the centre of the city
the police are getting very naughty too.....juz last week...when some of the students went to buy winter clothings.....some of them were caught and brought to the police station....2 of my friends had to pay 750 roubles to get out....
people are bringing pepper spray when they go out. students adviced to bring their passport around wherever they go....and to renew the migration card from time to time.
the price of goods are inceasing like hell.....they have no system one....can raise up to 500% for some goods...
i'm still lucky that i haven met these cases yet...and i hope i will not......
always feel that my table is too small.....so i decided to bought a new one...since my attempts to get a bigger table from the commandent fails....
i din have the urge to do so....thanks to candice and shu yu ...who juz moved and wanted to buy new furniture for their rooms...i was juz suppose to teman them...mana tau i bought the most expensive table...and they bought nothing...
anyway the table arrived yestrday when i came back from classes...it was 545pm...
one stupid thing about buying furniture in russia is that you have to fix it yourself....
and their delivery is stupid too...they can't deliver till your room...it's untill the hostel's door...they said it's written on the resit
anyway i took out those pieces of wood and started to assemble them to make it a table...
and the screws that they use......i never seen before one....siao.....very wierd....maybe because i nv assemble table b4....i mean...how many times in malaysia when you buy furniture you ave to assemble yourself one??
so i screw here screw there...ketuk here ketuk there...in the end finished the thing in 2 hours... thanks to my roommate.who supplied screwdriver and hammer...
he bought a cabinet the other day...and took 5 hours to build it....hehehe...this is one thing im proud of...hahaha
but after that took sometime to arrange it as it was much bigger than my previous table....but thanks to my "kebujaksanaan"...(eh ehmmm)...i managed to figure out a way t put it nicely...
this new table is more comfortable. it provides more space for me than before....glad i bought it
but the price i had to pay is the time wasted....i'm suppose to have anatomy class today...a must-prepare subject....so slept for a while before getting up at 3 am to prepare.....but then after that cannot tahan la...sleep again....
i will think twice next time i buy furniture in russia...
today as usual....i have my russian intensive class after lecture....damn tired...
we were talking about wat clothes to wear in russian....
then suddenly.. a young lady and guy holding camera behind came knocking the door...
my teacher open the door...and talk to them....then we continue our lesson...
after 20 minutes or so.....the teacher suddenly say...."well student, today we aret having an interview from people of tv station"
we were like" wat the @$#^&^*%??"
my groupmate siad" cakap awal awal ma....hari ini saya tak make-up...."
1st part of inteview...we proceed our lesson as usual....(acah oni la).....talk in russian la konon....took turns to speak.....the atmosphere was tense...even our best student in russian sitting beside me made mistake.....
then the young lady interview our teacher pulak....she said la....that the foriegn students are from malaysia, sri lanka , africa, ....etc......and they study in english...but learn russian laguage for practical usage....bla bla bka....
next the lady wanted us to speak pula.....and the teacher suddenly turn to me pulak....she said "let's start with KHAI (the teacher call me that)".....i like ter-chuak abit....thinking why the hell me???
ok nvm....i answer the fella's question.....tell my name, where i'm from, studying where...blah blah blah.....when commented about the teacher......but couldn't tahan edi....so when she ask me my impression of nizhny....i dunno wat to answer....turn back to the teacher.......
all the russian teachers that taught me b4 would know that my russian sucks...but this teacher...dunno what haapen to her glasses....2 fella sitting beside me so good in russian....
anyway....after that somebody else's turn.....talk talk untill she said something about the russians that is not suitable to be shown on tv.....that's why the interview stopped....and the teacher said those skinhead are everywhere la....we shouldn't over generalize la....blah blah blah...
then to make conclusion.....the teahcer again ask me pulak....walau....ask me to gather all the pint and say it in tv .....walau eh.....either is the teacher like me coz he thinks i'm very good, which i'm serioulsly not......or she anti me for god-knows-what reason.....
i tried to reject.....but she said me did a good job telling about the moon cake festival story....(me and my big mouth)...so i should do it....wat a joke man.....
oh i'm gonna be so stupid on tv man...where am i gonna hide my face??? dahlah my russian tergagap gagap.........
the show will be on 1 month later....hope i'll be prepared to face the humiliation by then....
p/s;when asked about what's the purpose of this programme...the lady answered that is to let russian know better about us foriegners so that they are not afraid of us...who are they kididng man....WE are the one who is afraid of them....
this year i'm in second year of my medical course...
i'll continuing my anatomy, histology from last year, and taking physiology,philosophy, biochemistry and psycology as my new subjects....and of course...the russian language...
well, let's start from my journey home from malaysia....i left klia at 2am 2nd of sept....took qatar airlines...
during our check-in,we noticed that rose is missing....we tot that she might sesat on her way to the airport...so tried to call her...mana tau she off the phone....we made many hypothesis why she din come on the plane...mana tau budak sial ni change flight without telling us...made us worry oni....sigh...
the food on the plane was quite good...had 2 serving for each meal....and drank some wines....so i think i gained a few pounds....hahah
transit at doha for 5 hours ...got nothing to do there...so teman hui ming to test every single perfume in the duty-free area....in the end the sales girl gave us some free sample...
reached moscow at 8pm local time....waited for bus but tak datang datang.... there's a malay friend who followed us,kena stopped by the immigration officer becoz the name "mohammad" was wrongly translated in the passport...the next thing we know...he was sent back to malaysia......kesian...
reach nizhny(the place where i study) after 8 hours of bus....damn tired...
anyway...my schedule for this tear is better...at least start early and end early....no need to go for class untill 8pm....and got some day to rest too...
juz the other day i dissected the frog in physiology class......well...i killed it la to be precise...this is a new expereince for me ....i have been seeing corpse all these while.but....taking a life is a new experience....we are doing this experiment on biocurrent resting potential...etc...so need the frog's leg ...i started by poking a needle into the atlanto-occipital joint.....move the needle down all the way into the spinal cord and crushed it...and then all the way up to crush the brain....the frog peed on my hand before he died.....then i cut through the abdomen to take onli the lower limb....is very fun....we did the galvani experiment where the frog's muscle contract when meet galvani element....
biochemistry was fun too...the teacher is young and pretty...her explaination is good and straight to the point....good english....and her smile is cute too.....hehehe...i think i can adapt with this hard subject.........
psycology was fun too....on the first class...the teacher asked us to write an essay..and then draw a picture.....it's supposed to be a psycological test which we will reveal our own answer at the end of the course....
philosophy ah....learning all the stuff we learnt in sejarah in f4 last time....okla....glad to see familiar names....but then now we need to learn their "great ideas" about the world and being.... quite interesting....but makes u wonder are they thinking in their mind when they are free...
now i'm trying to practise yoga using the book that i juz bought from malaysia...i bought a big gym ball too...for exercising during winter....hahaha....
yesterday dunno wat i eat....but after that i took an afternoon nap
after i woke up...to my shock, i found that my hands and legs are covered by big spots like mosquito bites...oni they are much bigger...like world map( as discribed by hui ming)....i was panic i din't know wat to do...so i applied oinment that always work whenever i have any problem...
the spots was on my leg...and i can feel the cramp when i try to bend my leg...it'slike there's big stone inside...
my head strat to think yang bukan bukan....thinking maybe i'm having some terminal diseases or sth...elephantitis...tumor...sacroma, lipoma......was very frustrted...
then this thought cross my mind...maybe i'm having allergic reaction.....but wasn't sure....coz as far as i can remember i dun have this kind of reaction..and i'm not allergic to any food...i think....
tak sangka beofre i go back this thing happen to me....as worried that i couldn't go backkk( not that i want to...but juz scared i waste my air ticket)..
the thought that i'm gonna die actually crossed my mind...(this is wat happens when i get sick or having sth i nv had b4....to think of the worst but to hope for the best)...it was scary...
but when my mom come back...i asked for some aloe vera and applied on my skin...the spots dissapeared ....i was relieved....
then went to watch movie with liang and daryl as planned lo....
at night went yam cha with shi san and sin dee...chat till 11 pm..
i realised my spots start to come again....felt itchy....this time it's the whole body....paniced again...
made an excuse to leave...
when i reached home...straight away drove out to find a clinic...but all was close...
went online to check about this spots which i think is allergy....while asking some frens about their experience....to my relief i found someone who discribe her experience which is exactly like mine....hehe...
the night when i sleep i can feel the itch all over my body...like there are thousands of ants biting me...and the temptation of scrathing is unbarable.....but i managed to force myself to sleep
this morning the sppots went away....guest t was ok.....but i went to doctor anyway....he gave me a jab and gave me some medicine in case this happens again...he said i'll be ok in 24 hours...juz have to avoid seafood...
i am sleepy now due to the jab he gave....i'll be more careful when i eat next time...(although i think i'm bitten by some insects).....
juz came back from klia on monday.sent my grandma to airport...she was going to London for holiday.to visit my uncle(sponsored by him)...she went with my aunt... took some photo with her...then with the help of the staff at klia...she went to check in on a wheel chair.... am starting to miss her adi.... she will be there for 2 weeks....comes back after go back to russia.. always felt the she was closest to me in ths world...maybe closer than her children and other grandchildren...(s
