SECRET CORNER OF THANATOS

just a thought....

maybe those who do wrong things (in our point of view) thinks what they do are perfectly fine, otherwise they wouldn't do it....

probably during the process of education in school or at home...there were some miscommunication somewhere, resulting in different perception of morale value, to the extend that the direct opposite is accepted as the "truth" in their eyes....

but who are we to judge them? who knows if what we think is right and those who have the opposite thinking is wrong?

but i really believe in karma. let karma decide if who is right or wrong. coz even the fairest judge, if he's a human, we have the possibility to blame him for having subjective perception, and we could find 100excuses to prove that him, saying that we are at fault, is a wrong judgement because obviously, we think we are right....we always are...

but karma is a nobody. who are u to blame if karma strikes right back at you? what you do is what you get. the payback might be immediate or it might be a longrun one....but as the bad karma accumulates, it will hit back hard....

not too long ago i did something which almost resulted in a riot.i almost got myself hated by a group of people for doing something i thought was right, at that time. somebody brought up this karma thing, indicating that i would pay for what i've done to them. the thing is i didn't think i was wrong. and of course so did they....

so only time will tell whether who is wrong at that moment, when the outcome is certain. if it turns out to be i am wrong and things that i did were not supposed to be done, then fine, i'll admit that it's a mistake and will correct my point of view on certain things. but if the opposite is true, and if there's still justice in this world, karma should be going after them any moment by now....

well, who cares right....

another instance is that, to our sorrow there are a few ppl who cheats here in our academy during exams. unfortunately they always manage to get off scott free, leaving those who earnt their grades by hardwork feeling unfair, angry, and feels that all the effort given is worthless.

you may think that well, what ppl do is their business,you just have to make sure that you don't be like them....

but we are still human. the feeling of unjustice will be there....

and then we will start to think, why do we need to work so hard, when other ppl can achieve the same thing with much less effort.....and some weak minded ppl will tend to "follow the trend"...

it's like leonardo da vinci spent so long with much effort to finish "mona lisa", and ah beng go steal it and photocopy....and with thick face go and tell the world that mona lisa is drawn by him....it might sound rediculous to you, but someone will actually buy that obvious lie.

among these ppl, there are ppl who knows that cheating is wrong (coz the primary school teacher said so).....and does it with care, and caution. they have the guilty look written all over the face.

another type of ppl, is they do it as if exams are meant to be cheated. they do it without shame, guilt, and  effort....with the cunning smile on their face, as if teasing those who works hard that they are so foolish so working so hard for such meaningless things...

preparing for exams in their definition, means to be ready to make small notes to be copied, to copy as fast as possible, to act as calm and as confident as possible and preparing 1000 excuses in case detected.

ironically, some of these ppl even think that in case they get low grades for their exams, it's a total injustice, because they think that after such tedious work of "copying" from the text book, they should have included all the points required in their paper.....and in turn should recieve good grades for that....

if they don't, it's the teacher, it's definitely the teacher. he/she is in a bad mood. he could be quarreling with his wife this morning. her patient just died in her operation room this morning. he is prejudice towards her. or maybe the weather is not good today. the horoscope says today is not a good day for exam....it's never the student's fault.....there are ever so many excuses one can think off when the fail to meet their own expectations for good grades...but the goldren rule is : the students are never at fault.

i have always been wondering....is karma going after these ppl? how long will they survive like this?

you know, it's like watching a sitcom, you get very geram when the good guys get all the bad lucks and die horribly...and there you are wondering when are the bad guys going to die....and when they do...you have that relieve in you....reassuring yourself that there's still justice to this world.

of course...i'm not hoping for those who cheat to die... but just wondering if the justice will ever come to rescue the day...

however, there are still difference between those who earn their grades by hardwork and those who cheat.

ah beng may photocopy mona lisa, but when da vinci takes out his authentic one, it's easy to recognize both of them....

i bet it would be a darn funny senario to see these ppl who passed their exams by copying from the text books to carry around the textbooks around when seeing the patients during wardround....(maybe 50 books or more?? maybe he/she needs a trolly...)i am looking forward to that day....

well, it's all in my point of view. maybe i am the one with miscommunication in the morale values. maybe what they do is the real way to life....who knows right....let time prove it lo...

ahhh....life is just so wonderful and interesting with such ppl around...

starting all over again??

it's common when we meet some obstacle or failure that we decide to turn over a new leaf or in other words, to start all over again....

but does life always offer you a second chance?

what if one day, someone tells you that, sorry, it's GAME OVER for you??

i am not saying we do not deserve a chance to correct our mistakes.....or we should stab ourselves in the chest when we fail.....

all i'm saying is that we should not do things thinking that we always have a second,third,fouth chance. with that kind of mentality, we would not give our best....it serves as an excuse for us to procrastinate, slack and an important reason for our failure....

there's a good idiom in chinese  置于死地而后生. when one is pushed to its limits, that's when his/her potential will be excavated...

treat every chance given to you as the last chance u will ever recieve....because it might really be the LAST ever....

becoming "stupid"....

our university is hosting its 1st intervarsity games this year....which is in one month time.

this is supposed to be a prestigous event for all of us....you know, like how msia hosted commonwealth games in 1998....to make our country well known to other ppl...this event is supposed to make ppl know about nizhny novgorod and our academy to other ppl....this is why the dean's office is also kancheong and looking forward to this game with great anticipations....

however, things are totally different with the students here....catch anyone u see in the hostel and ask them about this coming nizhny games. i can assure you non of them know anything about it...the dean's are rushing us (or rather the committee) to update them about the game progress from time to time...but still it seems like "the eunuchs(sida-sida) are more kancheong than the emperor".....

as we inherited the spirit of our motherland, many of the students here wished that we never had promised to take this job, which seems very unprofitable and comes with huge responsibility they are not willing or not able to take. some will wish that they were sri lankans, africans, or even russians so that they would not need to participate in this. and most of them, although aware that this event will happen afterall, still choose to be ignorant and hope that things will go as planned without bothering them abit. they don't see it as something to be proud of, but instead, a burden, or a shame if not done correctly.

on the other hand, there are some minorities....really really small amount of them who are berkobar-kobar wanna make this event successful and at least presentable to all. however the little fire they have inside them are often extinguished by those cold feedback from ppl who wished this event doesn't existed...and plus, their "semangatness" are often questioned and related to what profit they might get from this event....this, is msian's spirit.

it doesn't matter which category i fall into.

some people start to think about their studies, on how much study time they will miss during this event (which last about 3 days, 2 of them are saturdays and sundays), how many other things they could do if they do not participate in that.....but in fact, these 3 days, if not asked to help out in the event, passes like a flash without us noticing. as i'm typing this, it's already sunday. and my study progress is still stucked at friday. 2 days just passed by without any feeling.

but when someone wants to take these 3 days from you, it makes a whole world of difference. some are even willing to pay 5000usd in order NOT to participate in this....haha...

i can't seemed to figure out the reason of this lack of spirit untill just now.

a guy was assigned a job whom he refused to take, no matter what (he's the guy who is willing to pay 5000usd). he, as of other msians here, doesnt give a damn about what is happening in this nizhny games. the only difference is he is brave enough to say "I DON CARE" and " I DO NOT WANT TO TAKE THIS RESPONSIBILITY"

then there were these persuation about how we "should" be one, how we "should" be united as a malaysians, how we "should" ALL play our part in this games.

if things were as simple as what we should and should not do, things would be much simpler. the problem is, there's nothing obligatory here. everything is voluntary from the fundings, the cookings, finding the venue, the negotiations and to the manpower. nobody can DEMAND other ppl to do their job, the can only BAG for their mercy to spare the little time they have to help up. the thing is, why should these kind, highly spirited ppl who volunteer themselves to bare this burden to kneel down and bag so pathetically? what do they get from all these? nobody in their right mind would do this, in my opinion.

after meeting that guy, i understanded that fact. there's nothing we could do to MAKE them do their job.

then something struck my mind.

few years back in my blog entried i mentioned how adults are "stupid", that we become more stupider as time pass by. adults don't have the flexibility the children have in terms of adaptation to the surroundings. they can't absorb new information who would change their opinions about things, most of all, they loose the "spirit" young ppl have.

i realised that most of us here are entering the age of adulthood, the era of stupidity....we are no longer the hot blooded youngsters we used to be. we are turning into the boring adults we used to complained, apparently not that many years ago. we are getting older by the days looking at things at a more realistic point of view, like what benifit i we get from what we do. we have forgotten of how it feels like to share a common goal, to be part of something grand and to feel proud of it. being realistic means to look at things more to the negative site, to loose the ability to dream.

the failing experience we had in the past is making us confine ourselves to a "safe zone". we loose the adventurous spirit we had to take risk, as we fear that we would loose.

as we grow up, the more things we see, the more "faith" we loose. i don't mean the faith in God, but the faith in humanity in general. as we get dissapointed by empty promises, the more defence we build up for ourselves, the less faith we have in other human being. but this faith is what pulling us together. if we loose this, nothing good will turn out of it.

at the same time, we are not old enough to think things in an economical point of view, like how much money we could earn from those ppl coming to compete, without money as motivation, no ordinary "adults" will do anything for free....

thus, we are not at this so called "transition age" or what i would like to call "awkward stage"...possessing abit of each, but not enough to call it "something"....

do u remember how your school compete with other school around the region for ranking in results, chess competition, football, badminton, basketball competition?

do u remember how badly you wanna beat your opponent from other school because u wanna uphold your school's prestige?

were you humiliated when people say that your school is of low standard in terms of results, sports and moral?

do you remember how you and your friends were studying together hard, to face the common challenge--upsr, pmr, spm??

do you remember how we all had the same fear of not doing well in the exams, and how we cried(maybe not) together because of the uncertainty lying ahead of us??

do u remember how we comforted during hard times during those ups and downs...??

it might seems something naive, and "uncool" to you now, but do you remember how good it felt during those times when all of us were together, fighting towards that common aim?? do you remember how right it felt when u succeeded? and even if you failed, it still feels good to know that ppl around you are crying with u.....

most of us have lost this feeling.....and this might just be the thing you feel "missing" in your life now. without this "soul", you are just a walking corpse.

we can't resist the biological process happening within us, but we can keep the young mentality, being flexible, adaptative and high spirit, while not loosing the mature analytical thinking from the experience we get all these years...

keep the spirit high, ppl! don become "stupid"

有时候，一些突如其来、不合常规的奖励，也能给我们极高的肯定。

至少一向来的努力，都被看到了。。。完全没有白费。

能得到赏识，尽管非按部就班，也是很幸福的！