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October 31, 2007

"the unity"

this is the name of an album which i compiled during secondary school....it's a collection of all the data of my classmates and friends...the pictures taken during classes, tuition and events happened during our school days...

it was a hope so that all of us would still be close to each other in heart even if we are far apart physically...that we will still be able to keep in touch and talk about almost everything about our life...

so far we still keep in touch....although i am here in russia. when i go back i still get to see my old friends i mlk....this is one thing i am thankful about...

but i know it's hard to keep everyone together for such a long time....and i might be the only one who wants to hang out together with everyone....

sometimes i dream of this: mb one day if i am rich enough, i'll buy an apartment for all my friends....so that everyone could stay under one roof, celebrate festivals together and stuff....so that we would not miss too much of each other's life memory....

or maybe i could establish a company which can accomodate everyone from all professions : lawyer, docs, pharmacist, dentist, engineer, accounting, busineess,artist.....( i wonder if this kind of company exist)....so we could seek for each other's professional opinion with more trust.

even if we stay apart from each other....the following could still happen:

" hello, xxx, i need the world's top neuro surgeon consultation about this patient, would you mind coming over for a sec? my private jet will be arriving in 5 minutes..."

or when i do some major operation in the future...i could be able to call for professional help from all over msia....forming the "dream team" that would have no flaws in operation...yeng leh.....

or if i kena sue next time....i could call for msia's best lawyer to help me out...keeping me out of jail:p

all of that just to be stay together with my friends...

sounds so impossible, but it doesn't hurt to dream right....lol...

                            

October 30, 2007

the difference between a lucky guy and a hardworking guy is that the lucky one can never be abled to say " i am ready"

October 27, 2007

semangatness....

i shall constantly upgrade and improve myself...

you shall not have any opportunity to look down on me, in any way....

you shall admit that i am worthy of who i am now...

that will happen, one day....

October 26, 2007

:(

at this moment, i feel that life is so fragile and full of uncertainty. never have i truely understand and experience the meaning of that statement...till now..

it's like in one minute you are still very happy about the cheesecake you just ate, and the next minute you find out that your life will never be the same again...

worse still, when you dunno what is going to happen....and the feeling of helplessness is just unbarable...

it's easy to see from a stranger's point of view...when you do feel sympathy for the tragedy but it still doesn't affect you dierectly..

but when it concerns those who are close to ur heart....you feel the pain too..you wanna help very much....but all you can do is just pray for that person....

i'll appriciate and respect life even more now...

and you, please be strong too...

October 20, 2007

self-abase no more....

being a normal human being, i too, had gone through the period that where i cared so much about what other ppl think about myself, letting others define my own value, trying to fit in to a particular group and so on....i even considered changing myself to someone who is not me to be in a group that i really wanted to be in, just because i had the perception that best friends should have the same interest, hobby, skills....blah blah blah...

i would have cared so much if ppl didn't like me....or if i offend somebody....i would ask myself what i've done that ppl do not like me. the question "why" will always be directed to myself if i'm forgotten in any occasion/celebration, why am i not invited to a party...etc...

now i don't really care anymore....

not that i close myself to other ppl's opinion and critics....but rather, i open myself to my own thoughts, to do things i think is right, and most importantly, to put the right to define my value and social status in my very own hand....and all others will come later...

my friends,even if we do not have the same interest, as long as we are happy hanging out together,knowing that we are all doing great in our field of interest,i'm satisfied......even if we have no common topics whatsoever....

any party without me is not a party anyway....so why feel left out, right?

when i first came back here...i got to know from an accidental conversation that someone here wants to see me fail, or rather is waiting for me to fail...( and well, as in any other gossip, i failed to obtain the identity of that person from the gossiper, the so called "confidentiality" among the keh poh chi...)....when i first heard that info.....i was stunned for a while....although i would guess that being at high profile sometimes(not intentionally) would invite alot of troubles....but never have i heard it myself....i couldn't understand why anyone could hate me....i thought i was being nice...altho sometimes being sarcastic....but i nv mean bad...

after that i understand that it's difficult to please everyone...i could try....but it's difficult....

but hey. why do i need to please everyone??? how come no one come and please me??

so i figured....those that hate me...or waiting to see me fail....is not worth my effort after all, in any sense...

if you don't like me, i do not have to like you either...

i am tired trying to make other ppl happy while putting my own happiness at stake...

chinese has a saying that goes like one must look down on himself first in order for others to look down on him...

you know in some teenagers movie when there's these bunch of gals who likes to divide their schoolmates into the "cool" bunch and the"nerd" bunch.....and only the "cool" ones are invited to the parties.....i dunno bout u guys, but i despise these kind of ppl....i mean who they think they are determing who the ppl are "cool"...

and the worse thing is those who are labelled "nerd" by these stupid gals actually feel inferior to them...

i dunno why, but i have the tendency to stand on the more "suppressed" side....in this case, the "nerd" site...(of course i do not regard myself as a "nerd", altho some might beg to differ...) i always have the sympathy for the weaker side and wishing to help them to overcome/beat the stronger side...(to obtain equilibrium maybe)

i do not know where i get the confidence from...but i think self esteem is the 1st step to escape from the "nerd" group...

i pity those who thinks ppl are always looking down at him....when in fact the only person looking down at him is himself...

we should first set our own value, determine where we stand in the society, and then see the world the other ppl from that point of view...

October 05, 2007

my cute little juniors....

no, this is not about me finding a gf among the newcomers who came last week....

only one week here in russia and they have became the topic of discussion among the seniors during out free time in class...

they sure know how to attract our attention, in a rather wierd, funny, or you can even say "embarrassing" way.....

i dun really know how to comment on this, coz even being in the 4th year staying here in russia, this is the first time i've encountered this phenomenon, one which i have no idea how to react : to cry, or to laugh........

maybe it's the gap generation, coz i seem to find this group of juniors having a seriously wierd fashion sense...

read this line carefully : THEY WEAR THEIR WHITE LABCOAT EVERYWHERE THEY GO! TO THE SHOPPING COMPLEX, TO THE BUS STOP AND EVEN IN THE BUS!!! EVERYWHERE I TELL YOU!!

imagine a medical student, wearing a labcoat, walking around in the shopping complex choosing which chicken to buy, which grape is cheaper, and which toilet paper has better quality. i dun know bout you, but the thought of it now makes me malu....seriously...if i have a brother doing that, i would disown him right away...

even in msia, i dun think the med student do that right.....

or have i been in russia so long that i have lost track of the latest trend now??

whatever it is, they are in russia now and they should menguak/mengembek like everyone of us here...

i can assure you that it's not me alone who thinks this is wierd, coz i heard of several complains from other seniors as well....which share the same opinion...

and the worst part is, they are ignorant of this fact, even after our advice to them.....they walk in their labcoat on to the bus without shame, even with the russians looking at them in the wierd way....

still don't see the problem with all these??

well, first of all, it's not hygienic. you might bring infection if u go back to the hospital later....(of course this reason doesn't sound concrete, but trust me, it's very important)

in case somebody needs emergency help on the street, judging by how proud they are with their identity as a medical student, they will be the person of choice to be asked for help...being in the first year, i'm quite sure there's nothing much they can do.....as a result, it would affect the med academy as a whole, and ruin our reputation as a malaysian....

mind you that not only doctors wear labcoat in russia. even the washing lady in our hostel wears it ( i do not mean to be discriminative). so while they are wearing those labcoats on the street being very proud of themselves as a doctor-to-be, the image projected in the russian's eye might not be the same....

i can understand that they are anxious and all excited to "serve the community". and this might be their first time wearing a white lab coat. but while they are drown in their fantasy, i hope that they could be more concerned of the whole image and reputation.....they are to be kept and kept well. as a proud malaysian, i do not wish to project the image of jakun in the russian's eye....

above all, i think the main reason is they are attracting too much attention by being the odd ones wearing such a "striking" outfit. in russia, as a foreigner, we do should keep low profile, esp when you are new and don't know how to speak russian fluently.

i do not wish to see new students being beaten up again and we have to strike again like what we did 2 years back....

if u really love your labcoat so much, i suggest you wear another jacket on top of it....making it less obvious that you asre trying to show off that u are a medical student....

speaking of attracting attention, i recently went on a bus with the group of the 1st years coming back from their lecture. once boarding the bus, they start to speak to each other at the top of their voice, each with their mother tongue....and as usual u can see the russians looking at them with the bo song face....

this however, is not a new thing for us, coz every year the same problem happens.i believe when i first came we were like this also....in time, i think they will learn their lesson...

on a side note, you will always know when another malaysian is on the same bus as u, coz malaysians will be the noisiest ppl in the bus....with the familiar BM/manglish/mandarin/hokkien/ canto/ tamil....etc...

another thing worth mentioning about the juniors is that they have grumpy faces.

yes, when they first came here...the first impression i got when i saw them is that : have i accidentally killed their cats??

it's as if we seniors here owe them or something. from arranging transport for them from the airport, settling their accomodations, carrying their unbelivably heavy bags up to 9th floor, cooking dinner for them for the first few days, to bringing them to go aound for grocery shopping, it's like what we do is an obligation, something that what a senior should be doing. they did not show any sign of appriciation, just recieving what is given without any guilt.

of course, i can't say this on behalf of all those seniors who helped, because i didn't participate in all of it, mainly because i had to prepare for my exam.....but the feedback i got from many ppl about them are not so positive...

we do not demand respect, just asking you to be polite. it's for ur own good. being a newbie here, it's not wise to piss off your "elder" so early....you WILL need their help sooner or later, in one way or another....no matter how great you are in your studies, or how independent you are, it's always easier to live with some guidance here...maybe one day when your wings are hard enough and able to soar in the sky by your own, you can forget about these juniors...

we don't expect you to give a japanese bow, just a simple smile and a friendly "hi" will do...:)

we can give all the advice, but the final decision is up to them. we can't control them. it's their choice to wear what they want, and even to act what they want. they can continue to live here choosing to ignore our presence here.....to be rude and all. but when it comes to offering help, we have a choice too :)

( this post might seem harsh to some ppl, and maybe none of them could see this, but i sure hope they do, and i hope they do not take it the hard way...peace!)

p/s: i wonder if this post is longer than liang's "world longest post"??

October 01, 2007

to do list..

omg....just finished the 1st exam of the semester....

kinda not used to it la...exam after cycle....esp oni one month after i came back here...engine pun belum panas.

it was cold today when i went out for exam (the buliding was nearby so i just went there wearing the labcoat over my shirt...)

the sun was shining after i came out...

this is the longest exam i've ever had...30 minutes he questioned me....aiyo....

anyway now that the first exam is over, i have 10 more days before the next one comes....but i have alot of things to settle within this week.

1) grocery shopping....3 weeks since i went out to buy stuff. my fridge is seriously empty now...no raw food, fruits vege watsoever. i had to fried rice with oni onion, garlic and saussages yesterday...seriously pathetic...

2)watch "the secret" by jay chou. i have been wanting to watch since before i came back here..there were good remarks from sue jan and kian siang...many of my friends here keep asking for it....i wanna see the movie that made kian siang cry....:P

3) do practicals. for some reason, jpa paid extra money to the uni for our extra practical training in the hospitals where we get to learn those procedures and do it with the patients...it sounds very nice....except that it starts from 5pm till 730 pm. by the time i reach home i think around 9 edi.....walau....

4) do the report for coming general meeting. fyi, i'm elected as the treasurer of the malaysian student association here...have to do planning on collecting the money and budget and present it in the coming meeting....bz bz....

5) "tinkov"- is the name of a restaurant which sells japanese shushi set lunch for a fairly reasonable price....wanted to go there since 2 weeks ago....but got exam....so MUSt go this week...( i heard there are new variety....yum yum.....)...kebetulan my new cycle's class is nearby....so can go after class....

6)preparing for the coming exam....which is in 10 days time  :(